Slings & Sleepy Dust

Baby wearing is a concept I became familiar with during my first pregnancy.  I loved the idea of continuing to keep my baby close after birth as we learned to navigate this new life together.  It turns out I had much to learn.  This week I sat down with mum of three, breastfeeding counsellor, baby wearing consultant and owner of local business Sleepydust Sling’s, Rachel Keena, to learn more.

Like me, Rachel says it was love at first sight when she was introduced to the world of slings at a local breastfeeding group.  When her last little baba, Charlie was born, he was popped into a stretchy wrap and a total addiction developed, ultimately inspiring her to train as a baby wearing consultant - someone who is trained to teach caregivers how to safely wear/carry their babies and help them chose the sling that best suits their needs.

Can you outline some of the benefits of Baby Wearing?
- Babies who are carried statistically cry less.
- Carrying regulates baby's heart rate and oxygen levels, improves circulation and aids in digestion.
- Decreases the stress hormone levels in baby's blood stream resulting in a calm, relaxed, happy baby.
- Develops and strengthens all the muscles needed for sitting, standing and walking.
- Offers easy access to baby's food source when breastfeeding without needing to stop or sit down and offers privacy , if desired, when doing so.
- Promotes optimum hip development.
- Babies who are often carried fall asleep quickly in their sling and usually sleep deeper and for longer periods of time. It's often said slings come with Sleepydust, hence my name.

What are the most popular types of carrier?
The most popular types of carriers I have found through our sling meets and consultations are soft structured carrier's (SSC’s) followed closely by stretchy wraps for cuddling new-born babies. SSC's are a group of carriers that resemble a backpack in appearance. They have two padded shoulder straps and are secured with buckles. Many also have a padded waistband which all help to evenly distribute the weight of the child making it more comfortable for the wearer.
A stretchy wrap is a long piece of stretchy material usually made from 95% cotton and 5% elastane that you wrap around you and your baby.

Rachel provides three different types of consultations:
At “An Introduction to Slings Consultation”, we start by having a short chat about you, your baby and what you will be using your sling to do e.g. long walks, in and out of shops, around the house. We will then try then different options available that suit your needs while I explain the difference of each and the benefits and safety of baby wearing.  During a “Full Consultation” you pick the sling you want to use and we spend an hour perfecting your technique. I ensure everyone leaves comfortable and confident in their ability to wear their baby. I also provide a half hour “Troubleshooting Consultation”, where we tweak a carry you already know but something is not working.

Rachel facilitates a Sling Meet in Carlow and helps to admin the group's Facebook page, Sling Mammies Carlow. Drop along to a meet or visit www.sleepydustslings.ie

The Magic Of Disney

There are lots of great things about having kids.  Up there amongst my favourites is undoubtedly movie days.  Curling up by the fire, in our jammies, snuggling under blankets with bowls of hot, buttery popcorn that we've popped and just chilling out. Wet, winter weekends are perfect movie days. I never feel like I should be out and about so we’ve had quite a few lately. I love introducing yet another Disney classic to the kids. Just as my love of words was shaped in childhood by the incredible works of Roald Dahl so too has my love of film been shaped by the magic that is Disney.  A great tagline but so much more.  Bambi, Alice in Wonderland, The Jungle Book, 101 Dalmatians, Pinocchio, Lady and the Tramp, Peter Pan and many more. Happy memories of precious trips to a cinema that no longer exists. Castles, dragons, beautiful people and love at first sight, Disney has been fuelling the imaginations of children the world over since the 1937 release of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - the first full length animated film.

In my teenage years, I used babysitting as an excuse to watch and re-watch 90’s releases - Beauty & the Beast, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Aladdin, Mulan, Tarzan, The Lion King. Some have made their way into my own collection and Beauty & the Beast is up there with my all-time favourites.  For me a part of the magic also comes from the film score.  As a lover of music, I can’t help but completely loose myself.  During my time in Australia, I went to see The Lion King in the Sydney Opera House and it was one of the most incredible experiences ever.   The setting, the story, the music, the costumes, the colours – all mingled to create an absolutely electrifying couple of hours.  I’ve yet to make it to Disneyland but I’m sure that when we do, it won’t be just the children that are awed by the majesty!

As a huge admirer of Emmeline Pankhurst and The Suffragette movement, it hasn’t escaped my notice that Disney has been guilty of reinforcing patriarchal stereotypes.  It’s something that the company has been heavily criticised for, alongside the penchant for predominantly white characters.  I am however a realist and I think Disney pedaled a reflection of society.  It wasn’t bold or daring.  It didn’t seek to challenge attitudes of servitude and submission, or racial inequality.  Maybe it could have, but it’s doubtful that in doing so, it would be the empire it is today.  Rather, just like one of its stories, Disney has evolved, not quite a pace with society granted, but evolved none the less.  We see strong female lead characters, daring adventures and love coming not from a handsome prince but from within.  Movies like Frozen, Big Hero Six, The Lego Movie, and Moana all offer something very special. Walt Disney said that the real trouble with the world is that too many people grow up.  I think my inner child will always be kept young by movie days with Disney classics.

Putting The Friend In Friendship

There’s nothing quite like a chat with an old friend to lift your spirits.  As time moves on and families grow and so too do time commitments, I have found it increasingly difficult to catch up with my college girls.  I think about them often, the carefree times we shared, living and travelling the world together, taking our first real independent steps into adulthood. Get togethers are few and far between and I miss them.  I miss the divilment we used to get up to and I miss the chats and laughter that comes with sharing your life with friends. And I miss that they don’t really know the person that I am now. This Mommy person, who bakes, while doing homework and emptying the dishwasher before heading off to teach fitness classes is a tad different than the chain smoking, vodka swilling, centre of the dancefloor, wild woman, I once was.

Feeling nostalgic and under the guise of watching rugby training, I managed to sneak in an hour-long phone catch up with one of my best buds.  Within minutes of her picking up, I felt lighter, my mood was lifted and it got me thinking about just how hugely important our closest circles are and that even though we may be separated by distance and time, our friendships are our support systems, our tribe, and in many cases a lifeline.  By the time I hung up, we had barley stopped to breathe, as we caught each other up, tried to solve problems, laughed and promised to make meet up plans really soon.  And I vowed, as I always do, to simply make a greater effort to foster the important relationships in my life. But how?

Life coach Mar Healy has some sage advice.  “I always think that the arrival of a new baby is a good opportunity to figure out which friendships really matter to you, and which you might need to look at letting go of.  Your time is more precious now, than ever before, and you want to invest in friendships that nourish and support you and add to your life in a positive way.  If you come away from meeting a friend feeling, good, happy and a little better, then you’ve got a good one and you should try to hang on to it.  If on the flip side, your time together is always draining or hard work, it may be better to delicately let go and move on.  Making regular time to meet a good friend, who you feel relaxed and happy around, and who lifts your spirits is a brilliant way to be a better Mama.  You get time out and head space, quality adult human connection, and, as a result, come home a kinder, more tolerant and happier person to your little ones, and so everyone wins”.

As I get older and time becomes more of a precious commodity I’ve decided to take this advice and to truly invest in the people who support me, build me up and love me most.  

You can find out more about Mar’s great work at Mar Healy Coaching at www.marhealy.com

Because I Can

A new year always brings talk of resolutions. Be a new you, kick the bad habits, set new goals, make a fresh start.  I’ve done it myself. When I was a smoker, the new year was always when I’d push myself that little bit harder to quit. When I didn’t exercise, the new year was always when I found myself forking out for gym membership deals, that invariably fell by the wayside. If December was overindulgence, then January was redemption, a beacon of freshness and good intentions.   A clean slate.  

A resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something and the practice is thought to originate with the ancient Babylonians, 4,000 years ago. The first recorded celebrations to honour the beginning of a new year, which for them began with the planting of the crops in March, also stem from this period. During a 12-day religious festival, the Babylonians crowned a new king or reaffirmed their allegiance to the reigning king and made promises to the gods to pay debts and return borrowed objects.  In ancient Rome, Caesar established January 1 as the beginning of the new year in honour of Janus, the two-faced god whose spirit was said to reside in doorways and arches. The Romans believed that Janus looked backwards into the past year and forward, into the future and they offered sacrifices and made promises of good behaviour for the coming year.  Since then New Year’s resolutions have evolved to be a mostly secular practice, although many religions still mark the event with prayers and offerings to their God. Nowadays most of us make resolutions only to ourselves, promising to work on some undesirable habit or trait, promising to change and to turn into an improved version of ourselves.

In recent years, the thing I’ve learned about change is that it can happen at any time and in lots of different ways, and more recently, that it’s not always a bad thing. Scary and challenging yes, but there can also be an opportunity for huge learning.  Sometimes we have no control over outcomes.  Illness strikes ourselves or those we love, unemployment hits, relationships breakdown and adulting can be overwhelming.  Often the only way through is by taking time to breathe, minute by minute, hour by hour and one day it won’t be so difficult anymore. We emerge changed, stronger, softer, more appreciative of the good things.  We don’t need a calendar date to say enough, to say start, to say no thank you. We just need the desire and often we just need a little nudge. 

And so, I’m going to take singing lessons, to try and finish the Spanish lessons I started years ago.  I’m going to go to my first opera, to dance around the kitchen more. To love my children that little bit extra and embrace the sometimes chaos that is my life. Not because it’s a new year, but simply because I can.

Let Them Eat Cake

I’m not sure when exactly I began measuring my success as a mother by my ability to make my children’s birthday cakes but somehow that is what has happened. 8 years of birthdays and for the very first time, this year I bought a cake. Both of my son’s birthdays are in November and this year I just simply did not have the time or energy to make and decorate cakes. No big deal. Except for me, buying a cake elicited feelings of sheer failure. I love organising the children’s birthday parties. It’s always great to get all the family together and it’s a matter of debate as to whether I go a tad OTT.

There was the year I made a volcano cake, adorned with lava and an exploding flare. This was also the year I made 24 papier mache dinosaur eggs and filled them with treats for kids to take home (oh no, I couldn’t have been happy with party bags, could I?). There was the year I melted Fox’s Glacier mints in the oven, painted them blue with food colouring and smashed them into a million pieces to make a Frozen cake, whilst also cutting out 40 million paper snowflakes (some of which are still hanging 2 years later). Then there was last year when I made a three-tier cake entirely of my littlest’s favourite fruits, followed by a Tullow Rugby Club jersey cake and goalpost cookies, a week later.

This year I had a request for a Thomas the Tank Engine cake for a 2 year old's Sunday party. Saturday afternoon arrived and I was utterly devoid of energy. I found myself in Dunne’s Stores in a state of panic. I paced the baking aisle talking myself into baking and then talking myself out of it again. I searched for something that would pass for Thomas, but to no avail. I rang Tesco to see if they had any Thomas cakes but no luck there either. The very lovely baker in Dunne’s suggested I try phoning Rath’s, and so with a quiver in my voice, I found myself ordering an 8 inch jam and cream sponge cake. I breathed a sigh of relief that Ruairí would have his much loved ‘choo, choo Thomas ‘licious’ cake but I also felt as if I was letting him down, which I’m aware is nonsense. But the feelings were very real.

Somewhere along the line, I set myself a very high standard and this month I didn’t reach it. But you know what, that’s O.K. My eldest is having his party tomorrow and as I type there is no cake. I fear
I’ve started down a slippery slope. Maybe I packed all my best children’s party planner days
into the last 8 years. Or maybe 2016 will go down as the year I realised I simply cannot do it all. Either way, the cake was delicious and I should know, I spent most of Sunday evening standing in front of the fridge, eating it with a spoon. Failure? Winner? Jury is out!

On The Catwalk

This week I shook my little tush on the catwalk (showing my age with that one) and I had a ball.  I was asked if I'd like to help with a fundraising fashion show for the Ballon Community Centre and as my sister and some friends were taking part, I thought it would be fun. I’ve made an agreement with myself to say yes to things that push my comfort zone and sashaying up and down in front of a room full of people definitely would not have been something that would have come easily to me in the past. I’ve been so busy lately that I barely had a chance to think about it, let alone get stressed but as the start time approached in Mount Wolseley, the nerves did start to kick in and there were some initial butterflies but once I got out on stage, I enjoyed every second of it.

It would be hard not to enjoy wearing beautiful clothes from some of Carlow’s finest shops. My outfits came from Erre Esse and Savana Boutiques and being styled by them was great fun - again pushing the boundaries and thinking outside the box. I love clothes so being able to play dress up without the price tag, was an added bonus for me. The very talented Clare of Angelz Hair Salon in Ballon and equally talented makeup artist Emma Maher and her friends, gave very generously of their time to make sure that we were stage ready. Faith Amond did a wonderful job presenting the night with her unrivaled glamorous flare and the dancers from The Dance Republic were beautiful to watch.

The lads and ladies of Ballon GFC did a super job transferring their skills from the pitch to the stage, with models of all ages taking part. Ballon is such a vibrant village, with a super community spirit and the night was really well supported by the local community. The Community Centre or Ballon Hall as it’s called, has always been at the heart of that spirit. As a child, I spent so much time there, doing everything from athletics, Irish dancing, variety group, scouts, speech and drama, to teenage discos.

I’m sure I even had a smooch or two around the back! And now it forms part of my children’s and husbands lives too. The hall is licensed to hold up to 500 people and as well as being home to a huge variety of sporting and fitness classes, it is also available for hire for parties, dances, fares etc and hopefully the fashion show will have generated lots of money to help with the upkeep of such a wonderful local resource.

I’m really glad I took part. Once upon a time I would have cared what I looked like and I would have cared what other people thought I looked like. These days I only care that life is short and I’m determined to fill mine with as many fun, new experiences as possible.

Choosing A Family Car

My childless self owned an Audi A3, which I'm pretty sure wasn't full of junk. However, once children arrived, it became apparent that lifting a car seat in and out of a three door car wasn't the wisest thing to be doing with chronic back issues and so I updated to my first estate. And I'm not going to lie, it made me itchy. At the time my husband commented that we should probably buy a people carrier, seeing as I always wanted more children but I refused to test drive one. I think I simply equated a people carrier with middle age and like Dylan Thomas I was not going gently into that dark night! So I raged (in a conformist, middle aged way) and we bought an estate. And then we had three children and three car seats didn't fit. And picking friends up for play dates or carrying extra passengers became impossible and I realised that I was an idiot and suddenly a people carrier seemed like a brainwave. So we had a rejig. My husband inherited my car and sold his prized sporty, 2 litre petrol Mercedes, which could probably have serviced the national debt of a small country and I got my people carrier.

But not before doing lots of research. I read review after review. Safety features, design features, affordability, milage, boot space. We toured garages and I test drove lots of cars but kept coming back to the Peugeot 5008. It had all the space we needed without the feeling of being a huge car. It felt good to drive, got really great reviews and it looked OK. The absolute deciding factor for me was the five star rating the car received from the Euro NCAP. The European New Car Assessment Programme is a car safety performance assessment programme, founded by the UK Department for Transport and backed by several European governments and the EU.

They created the five-star safety rating system, determined from a series of vehicle tests, representing real life accident scenarios that could result in injured or killed car occupants or other road users. There's a really great website, enabling you to search all makes and models, giving a quick synopsis and a more detailed safety report to download. Our budget didn't extend to a new car so we sourced a UK car, which tend to have higher specifications for better value. My husband set off on a trains, planes and automobiles adventure. He flew to Liverpool, took an hours train journey, picked up the car, drove to Holyhead and took the ferry home. Even with paying the vehicle registration tax, we managed to save a couple of thousand euro. But the best part was, the children's seats magically came with Kinder Eggs!

4 of us moved into our shiny new car and it quickly became an extension of our home. Sadly, it even more quickly lost its shine, aided in part by a mildly traumatic trapping in a car wash but that's possibly a story for another day!

Mini Musicians

Usually when I’m at The Baby Room, I’m working but Monday’s are special because I’m off and I get to enjoy family time and do the things I love to do for me. So, this morning it was Mini Musicians for Ruairi and myself and tonight, I’ll join Ciara’s wonderful Pilates class for a post weekend stretch and strengthen. We first went to Mini Musicians class when Ruairi was about 10 months old and he absolutely loved it. We’d come through a difficult time with feeding problems and Clara’s classes were such a fun way for us to connect and leave the stress and worry of difficulties outside. Ruairi seems to love music, he loves listening to me sing and he belts out a fine rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle so I knew he’d love being back at classes.

Mini Musicians is founded by Carlow native and mum of one (soon to be two) Clara Hutchinson. Clara is not only an incredibly talented musician, with a wealth of experience as a performer, facilitator and teacher but she is also a really lovely person. Her passion for music shines through in all she does. Clara studied Music and Early Childhood Education before completing a Master’s in Music Therapy. As a mum, Clara says that she realised early in her daughter’s life how innate music is in children, how quickly they respond to musical babble and natural rhythms and how being attuned to their natural musical abilities can strengthen attachment and create a bond that will last a lifetime. Children learn so much through musical play and as a facilitator, Clara says she gets so much joy watching the bond develop and grow between parents and their children in classes. Classes also give parents a repertoire of songs and games to use at home, which can become a huge part of daily family routines.

Clara has recently been joined by the equally talented and enthusiastic Marie Glynn. From Kilkenny, Marie has a Master’s Degree in Music Therapy and is herself a performer. Mini Musicians run classes for three age groups. Their Babbling Baby class is for babies from birth to 1 year. This class is centred around strengthening the bond between caregivers and their little ones, and introducing babies to the magical world of music. Talented Toddlers (one of whom I’m the proud owner of) is for toddlers from 1 to 2.5 years. This class is fun and engaging. It is designed to allow children to explore sounds and instruments, learn songs and games, and develop skills needed for language development and social interaction. Moving Maestros is for children aged 2.5 to 4 years. This class is designed to introduce concepts of pitch and rhythm and develop musicality. The programme is developed in conjunction with Ceol Ireland, who provide comprehensive curriculum-based music programmes.

From helping to build neural networks involved in social-emotional development to the development of language, reasoning, creative thinking and both gross and fine motor skills, early exposure to music has many and varied benefits. To find out more visit them on Facebook or at their website www.minimusiciansireland.com

Love Carlow

When I opened an email in late September to alert me to the fact that The Baby Room had been nominated for “Carlow’s Best Start Up / Emerging Business Award” in the County Carlow Chamber Business Awards, after only a month in business, I was blown away.  My first thought was to ring my husband and ask whether he had nominated me. His response was “No, did you nominate yourself?”.

I had no expectations of the night really, other than dusting off the high heels and having some fun time out with said husband.  Things have been so chaotic with opening a new business that we are like ships in the night so it was a great opportunity to have some catch up time together.  The Visual is always such a lovely venue for a gathering.  The food by Lennon’s is to die for and washed down with Walsh’s Whiskey, the night was off to a great start.  Being new to business in Carlow, it was a great opportunity to mingle, chat and connect with other business owners.

John Purcell, Chief Executive of KCLR and chairman of the Independent Broadcasters of Ireland did an excellent job as compere, keeping the evening light, entertaining and flowing.  Watching the night unfold, seeing not only business owners, but also their staff and those giving their time to the community sector, honoured for their commitment and dedication was really very special.  Carlow might be a small county but we have an incredible array of diverse businesses, both emerging and well established, as well as a tireless volunteer sector.  The Carlow Community Award went to Eist Cancer Support Centre for the remarkable work they do.  And at a time when the county has one of the highest suicide rates in the country, it was particularly poignant for The Darkness Into Light Walk to receive the Spirit of Carlow Award.  I think anyone who has taken part in the candle lit vigil can attest to what a triumph of the human spirit the event is.

It was an absolute pleasure to watch Anthony Dooley receive a lifetime achievement award.  He spoke so passionately about his work and what the support of his family has meant to him over the years.  He is a shining example of the sheer grit that business requires.

Sean O’Brien was honoured with a well-deserved Carlow ambassador award and spoke about his pride in the county.
The fabulous duo of Lesley & Phil at Fusion Fitness were the exceptionally well deserved winners of our Emerging Business category.  I hear nothing but high praise for the work that they do and can only hope to learn from their dedication as I grow my own business.

The night was a huge success and a real credit to the Carlow Chamber of Commerce. Founded in 1947, the Chamber works for the interest of local business and for the development of the local and regional economy. There are currently over 300 businesses involved and many more who are benefiting from the very successful Love Carlow campaign.

Keeping Children Safe Online

The internet is a fantastic resource, both for learning and for entertainment but as my children get older and technology becomes more a part of their daily lives, I can’t help but be concerned about the things that they are potentially exposed to.  I know myself the kinds of search results Google can throw up and not being overly technically savvy myself, I’m always grateful that my husband is incredibly switched on in this department and protective parental controls are in full force in our house.

The National Cyber Security Alliance offer some really great advice on ways parents can navigate the internet safely with children.

Remain positively engaged: Pay attention to the online environments children use. Browse with them. Appreciate their interests and try to react constructively when they encounter inappropriate material.

Keep a clean machine: Protect all family computers with a security suite (anti-virus, anti-spyware, and firewall) that is set to update automatically.

Know the protection features of the websites and software your children use: All major Internet service providers have tools to help you manage young children’s online experience (e.g., selecting approved websites, monitoring the amount of time they spend online, or limiting the people who can contact them) and may have other security features, such as pop-up blockers. But remember that your home isn't the only place they can go online.

Review privacy settings: Look at the privacy settings available on social networking sites, phones, and other social tools children use. Decide together which settings provide the appropriate amount of protection for each child.

Teach critical thinking: Help your children identify safe, credible Web sites and other digital content, and be cautious about clicking on, downloading, posting, and uploading content.

Explain the implications: Help your children understand the public nature of the Internet and its risks as well as benefits. Be sure they know that any digital information they share, such as emails, photos, or videos, can easily be copied and pasted elsewhere, and is almost impossible to take back. Things that could damage their reputation, friendships, or future prospects should not be shared electronically.

Empower your children to handle issues: Your children may encounter online bullying, unwanted contact, or hurtful comments. Work with them on strategies for when problems arise, such as talking to a trusted adult, not retaliating, blocking the person.

Be aware of all the ways people connect to the Internet: Young people have many options to connect to the Internet beyond a home computer - Phones, tablets, gaming systems and even TV’s. Be aware of all the ways and devices (including what they do at friend’s houses) your children are using and be sure they know how to use them safely and responsibly.

Consider separate accounts on your computer: Most operating systems allow you to create a different account for each user. Separate accounts can lessen the chance that your child might accidentally access, modify or change settings. You can set up certain privileges for each account.

Know who to contact if you believe your child is in danger.  You can file a complaint with the website, ISP or mobile phone company.  Look for the “report abuse” button or contact customer care.  Follow up with the Guards is also an option.

Women, Wine & Words

Tonight I’m going to start to read a book.  Not read to my children and not read because I’m studying, but I’m going to just read because I love to read.  For as long as I can remember I have loved books.  Loved the feel and smell of the paper.  Loved the way the words flow across the pages and loved being transported to another time and place.  Loved the twists and turns, the highs and lows, the loves and losses.  I adore books.  My earliest memories are of reading Tom McCaughren’s Run With The Wind series, followed by The Famous Five and every Roald Dahl book under the sun.  I read under the covers by torch light, and while setting the table for dinner and I read on car journey’s.  But since having my children, reading for sheer enjoyment is something I rarely have the pleasure of doing.

So I’ve joined a book club.  This is my second attempt at doing so.  I made one gathering last time around, helped to decide on a book and then never got around to starting it.  This time will be different!  Since opening The Baby Room, it has kind of consumed me, both my time and my mind so I’m actively searching for the mental release that fiction brings or the fact based learning that being immersed in a biography brings.

Words are really powerful.  They are emotive and they are one of my favourite things, so I’m hoping that the group ethos of a book club will both inspire me to read and read outside of my comfort zone and add to my enjoyment of the book because I’ll be encouraged to engage with the material and question how and why it moves me.  Reading books I might not ordinarily choose is one of the things I’m most looking forward to.  Usually within a couple of pages I know if a book has me hooked.  I’ve abandoned books in the past if I haven’t connected with them, but because of the discussion element of a book club I’ll plough on through and hopefully, even if I don’t enjoy the read, I’ll gain something from it – maybe being put to sleep by it is reward enough! It’s this discussion that appeals to me.  It’s always great to get together with like-minded people, and I do so daily in my work, but it’s also nice to meet new and interesting people, people with a different mindset and perspective.  Sometimes I’m so immersed in my pregnancy, childbirth, mother world, that I forget anything else exists beyond it, so drawing on the tastes and interests of others will be a new experience for me.

Book clubs involve a social element – food and wine – two more of my favourite things, so when I was invited to join “Women, Wine & Words – The Carlow Chapter”, I happily accepted. Our first book is “The Girl on the Train” by Paula Hawkins and I’m looking forward to getting lost on the journey.  

Top Ten Tips for a Positive Birth

This week, organiser of the recent Irish Positive Birth Conference - midwife, mum and founder of the GentleBirth programme, Tracy Donegan, shares her Top Ten Tips for a positive birth with our Baby Room readers.

1. Choose your place of birth carefully

Not all hospitals are the same.  What type of care does yours provide? Is it evidence based?  Is there a Midwife Led Unit on site or a Homebirth scheme? Would you prefer to birth at home with a Self Employed Community Midwife? Or would you prefer to choose a private home birth care provider?

If you are unhappy with the care you receive, you can opt to change hospitals or request a new care provider.

2. Move your body in pregnancy and in labour.

Exercise in pregnancy helps improve focus and build endurance, reduces the risk of complications, helps to prepare for labour, benefits baby and gets those feel good, happy hormones flowing.

3. Take an independent antenatal class

Taking an antenatal class outside of the hospital environment will often provide evidence based research, which might not be in line with your hospitals policies and procedures.  You are gaining independent, impartial, positive feedback, which you can compare with the information given during your hospital class.

4. Hire a Doula

A Doula gives support, help, and advice during pregnancy, birth and postnatally. Having a Doula present at birth shortens labour, lessens the need for pain relief, reduces caesareans and instrumental deliveries and results in less likelihood of postnatal depression and a higher incidence of breastfeeding.  Mothers are also less likely to rate their birth experience negatively. A Doula also provides support in the home in early labour and in the days after birth.

5. Avoid the negative Nellies

Sometimes people feel the need to share their negative birth stories.  We need to tune these out and surround ourselves with positive birth images and stories.  Find your tribe - supportive, encouraging people who realise that you are vulnerable in pregnancy and do everything in their power to lift you up, increase self-belief and keep you focused on having a positive birth. Find like-minded groups, both in person and online.

6. Partner Preparation

Your focus on your baby’s birth day is you and baby.  Your partner’s role is everything else! They can negotiate with the hospital staff, facilitate on your behalf and use the comfort strategies they have learned to help decrease anxiety.

7. Written Birth Preferences

Write down your birth preferences – what would you like, dislike? View it as a communication tool, helping you focus on the kind of birth you would like to achieve.  It’s about personal choice and it helps inform your midwife of your wishes ahead of time.

8. Labour in Water

Warm water immersion shortens labour, reduces pain and allows for greater freedom of movement.

9. Build Your Labour Toolkit

Make use of a birthing ball or a CUB to help with upright positioning. A tens machine, acupressure, music and mental strategies can all be useful forms of natural pain relief. Know what pain relief is available to you and how each one might affect you and baby.

10. Focus On What Can Go Right

Your mindset heading into birth is hugely important.  Train your brain in pregnancy to prepare for a calm, positive birth, whatever direction that birth takes.

GentleBirth is a birth preparation programme, which combines brain science, birth science and technology to empower positive birth.  Our first weekend workshop takes place at The Baby Room on 22^nd and 23^rd October.  

Irish Positive Birth Conference

Childbirth can be an incredible experience. It often doesn’t fit with the “clean up on aisle 3” drama that is portrayed on television and it’s really important that we focus on the word drama.  Even shows like One Born Every Minute, which are the birth experiences of real families, are subject to editing and story selection.  Drama increases ratings.  But it’s not always accurate and certainly when it comes to birth, I for one can hold my hand up and say that’s it possible to have a good birth.  I have had three, one more empowering than the next.  But I also know too many women who have been traumatised by the process and left unsupported in that trauma.  

Ina May Gaskin 

Recently I was fortunate enough to be in a room with some of the most amazing women, who have helped shape not only my views on birth, but on parenting and life in general.  The very tranquil Dun Laoighre set the scene for the first Irish Positive Birth Conference.  Ina May Gaskin was the keynote speaker.  Often described as the “mother of authentic midwifery”, Ina May is the founder of the Farm Midwifery Centre and the author of several influential books on birth and breastfeeding.  She has lectured all over the world and is the only midwife to have on obstetric manoeuvre named after her.  Her calm, no nonsense, whitty manner are endearing and there is a revered silence when she talks about removing fear from childbirth, about honouring the woman’s intuition, about mother’s smiling as they ease their babies into the world.

The conference was chaired by Mum, broadcaster, and mental health campaigner, Dil Wickremasinghe, who stressed the importance of sharing our positive birth stories.  Dil shared her own experiences of home birth, postnatal depression, breastfeeding and injected lots of humour throughout the day. 

Midwife, founder of the GentleBirth programme and conference organiser, Tracy Donegan, made the trip from California, where she is now based. Tracy discussed the importance of knowing your options, researching your hospital and care providers to find the best possible care for you and your family.  Next week’s column will focus on Tracy’s top tips for a positive birth. 

Scottish midwife Cass McNamara spoke about the importance of being in an upright position for birth, something we focus on in our Pregnancy Pilates classes.  Upright birth positions increase space in the pelvis, reduce the time spent in both the first and second stages of labour, reduce the need for medically assisted labour, cause less distress to baby and reduce the need for pain relief and the necessity of an emergency caesarean. 

We also heard from Paula Barry, who is doing amazing work around water birth at the Coombe. Baby wearing consultant Maeve Lyons discussed how slings can contribute to a positive postpartum period.  Dr. Chris Fitzpatrick shared his point of view as an obstetrician, highlighting a fear of litigation and budget constraints as two key concerns for medical professionals.

A really varied and uplifting day, we even had some dancing for birth, with one of my favourite quotes as the take home message: “She believed she could, so she did”. Next year, world renowned obstetrician Michel Odent will address the conference.  The date is to be confirmed but I’m booking the whole month of October off to ensure I don’t miss him!!

The Importance of Paediatric 1st Aid Training

There is lots of prep work to be done when getting ready to welcome a new baby.  There’s hospital bags to be packed and seemingly endless lists of baby items to be purchased, some absolute necessities, others not so much.  For me, both as a parent and as an instructor, probably top of the necessity list is a paediatric first aid course.  The peace of mind this training offers is invaluable, particularly, I found when introducing solid foods to my babies.  

Thankfully, we’ve managed to escape relatively unscathed in the accident department but my First Aid training was called into play recently when my 7year-old sustained a head injury in a fall.  My training enabled me to remain calm and feel relatively confident in knowing what to do, even while looking at my child’s skull!

Recent research commissioned by the Irish Red Cross indicates that 80% of adults fear dealing with first aid emergencies such as head injuries, the ingestion of harmful substances or anaphylactic shock.  It further suggests that the majority of adults do not believe that they would be able to respond correctly to eight out of thirteen emergency first aid situations.  Household emergencies involving children can occur at any time.  From falls, burns and choking to the danger of electrical shocks, there are any number of unexpected occurrences that can injure a child. Head of First Aid Training with the Irish Red Cross, Danny Curran, says that “lives can be saved when you are able to treat injuries and illness quickly”. 

There are lots of first aid kits on the market, from basic right through to more advanced kits, but if you don’t wish to invest, you can always gather your own supplies. 

So, what should your household First Aid Kit contain?

• Plasters for treating small, everyday cuts.
• Bandages for larger cuts. Bandages can also help secure an injured limb.
• Safety pins to keep the bandage in place.
• Sterile wound dressings to help prevent infection of an exposed wound.
• Non-alcoholic disinfectant wipes to clean wounds.
• Scissors to cut away clothing and to cut bandages to size.
• Examination gloves should always be worn as a barrier to infection.
• Sterile water to clean wounds.
• Pocket face mask for carrying out CPR.
• Burns dressings, which act as a cooling method and also help prevent infection.

Every member of the family should be familiar with where the First Aid Kit is kept and children should be taught how to phone emergency services and aask for help.

We were recently joined at The Baby Room by Ciara Dowling of Early Years First Aid, where her 2hour Baby First Aid and 4hour Paediatric First Aid classes were an incredible success.  Both courses cover CPR, choking, wounds, head injuries, fractures, sprains and strains, burns, temperature control, allergic reactions, seizures, childhood illnesses and lots more and offer a 2-year certification.  We look forward to working with Ciara in the future to bring skills, confidence and lifesaving knowledge to parents and care givers in Carlow.

For more information, you can contact Ciara at www.earlyyearsfirstaid. The Irish Red Cross App is free to download for your Smartphone and tablet and can be accessed at www.redcross.ie/firstaidapp 

Mindfulness for Kids at The Baby Room

In the past, I often found myself telling my children to “calm down” or to “relax” but never showing them what these things actually meant or in fact, how to achieve them.  Through my studies and self-practice of Mindfulness, I began to realise that just as I was learning ways to acknowledge and work through stress and emotions, my children needed the resources to do the same. 

Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose and in the present moment.  It involves acceptance – paying attention to thoughts and feelings, without judging or reacting to them.  Studies suggest that mindfulness can help develop our children’s concentration and self-awareness, providing tools to help calm down and to make better decisions.  Children who practice mindfulness benefit from improved cognitive outcomes, social-emotional skills, and wellbeing. These benefits may lead to long-term improvements in life, such as improved education, employment, crime, substance abuse and mental health outcomes in adulthood.

There has been an explosion of research into the neuroplasticity of the brain, which seems to conclude that brain training, using mindfulness practices, strengthens the areas of the brain that are responsible for attention, emotional control and problem solving. Specifically, mindfulness can help us to shift our attention and regulate our reactions.  Compassion based mindfulness practices, both towards ourselves and others, also appear to combat the production of negative emotions.

It can be a difficult enough concept for the adult brain, so finding ways to teach practices to my children has been a really creative process.  We started with a nightly body scan, which is one of the fundamental ways of bringing consciousness to different parts of the body and we incorporate a level of gratitude practice into this – thanking our bodies for being strong, and brave and for helping us have fun throughout the day.  The responses of my own children to this and to breathing work, led me to want to develop a programme of work with other children and so our Mindfulness for Kids Programme at The Baby Room was devised.  

Over the course of four weeks, children are introduced to mindfulness in a fun way, fostering the development of those calming and relaxation skills.  We introduce the concept of Breathing Buddies, helping children to connect with their breath.  Bubbles and balloons are other simple ways of tuning in to our breathing. Our Spider Hero Super Senses encourage us to notice what our senses are bringing to us, the noises we hear, the smells we smell, the tastes we taste. Weather Reports and Gratitude Practices help us to identify our feelings in a safe, supported environment. Physical craft activities such as making Worry Trees, Mindful Colouring, blow painting and the making of a Mind Jar give our practice of a sometimes abstract concept, a more concrete basis.  Games, songs and stories that require focused attention are also interspersed through classes.  The children are really embracing the concepts and the class is fast becoming one of my favourites to teach, helping me fine tune my own practice into the mix.

Why I Choose To Birth At Home

My first home birth baby turns five this month.  Here’s our story: 

My knowledge of "home birthing" was confined to tales of how my mother’s aunt helped to deliver her on my Grannies kitchen floor, so, like many mums when I discovered I was pregnant, having a home birth wasn’t something I knew was even an option.  I had a very healthy pregnancy with my first son but an induction and bad reaction to an epidural, as well as not feeling listened to during his birth left me feeling dis-empowered.  I hated being left in hospital - torn, tired, sore and alone with my new baby simply because visiting time was over and my husband had to go home.  I developed an infection and the breastfeeding support was abysmal so when I discovered I was pregnant again, I began to examine my options.

A quick internet search led me to the Home Birth Association of Ireland, where I spent a long time reading about why women chose home birth, the process involved, reading articles and examining facts and figures.  Myself and my husband decided it was something we would like to explore, so we set up a meeting with a Self Employed Community Midwife.  Philomenia Canning, Philo or P, as we affectionately call her, walked into our lives, a tall, strong, confident woman and within minutes of meeting her I could picture her at the birth of my baby, encouraging and supporting me and I knew this was the right decision for me.  She outlined the process to us, explaining the concept of giving ownership of the birthing process back to women, of not viewing healthy pregnancy and birth as something to be managed but rather as a naturally occurring process during which mum and baby learn to know and trust their bodies.  I mention healthy pregnancy, as one of the first things Philo stressed to us was that home birth was only an option in healthy, low-risk pregnancies.  In the event of becoming ill during pregnancy Philomenia's exact words were "I am not what you need", so I knew from the off that if I or my baby were unwell or at risk, then our care would be transferred to hospital where we would receive the necessary treatment, meaning home birth would no longer be an option.

We asked Philomena to be our midwife after this first meeting. It was the right fit for our family.  Also a contributing factor was that we had chosen to see a consultant privately and after paying him €4,000, he was not present at the birth of our son, who was delivered by an extremely competent midwife. Our next step was to inform the HSE of our decision, as they provide some of the funding to pay independent midwives.  They also carry out a risk assessment and have a strict, almost prohibitive, home birth criteria. I also booked into the local hospital, in case of transfer. Family and friends had lots of questions, which was really great as it made me really focus on having the birth of my choosing.  

Philomena came to our home each month, until the last month when she came weekly. Our toddler son was very involved, measuring my tummy, checking my blood pressure and listening to baby’s heartbeat.  He talked about “his” baby constantly. 

On the day of my daughter's birth, we were up early to cheer on Ireland in the Rugby World Cup. I was uncomfortable but not alarmingly so. We were due to attend a family wedding and my stilettos were at the ready but at the last minute I decided to stay home, so the boys went. I started becoming more aware of mild contractions but predominantly back pain and by late afternoon decided I better pay attention to them. At 7pm I rang both Philomena and my husband to tell them things were starting.  I didn't feel any sense of urgency and told them both there was no rush. My sister came to keep me company and we started to fill the birth pool. The fire was lighting, candles were burning, Andrea Bocelli was playing and the atmosphere was lovely and calm. My waters released just after 9 O’clock, minutes after my husband arrived home. I remember him removing the cuff links of his pristine white shirt and thinking he looked like he meant business!

Philo, who was bombing it down the motorway suggested we call an ambulance. I didn’t want to as I knew the baby was coming and I wasn’t prepared to leave home, but we did call. I climbed into my lovely warm peaceful birth pool and felt instant relief wash over me. I was submerged about a minute when Philomena advised I get out, as it was apparent that I was looking at an unassisted birth. 

I moved to the couch, on hands and knees and began to naturally sway my hips back and forth.  I knew Philo wouldn’t make it and I quelled a sense of panic with some deep breathing and told myself “you’ve got this”. Calm came over me and I instinctively knew my baby and my body knew what to do. 

The paramedic was on loud speaker with my husband who was preparing to catch his baby.  My sister was fantastic, wiping my face and encouraging me. After one big push I was able to reach down and feel the silky head of my baby.  It was incredible and almost immediately my daughter was born into her Daddy's arms at 9.27. She was tiny and so calm and absolutely perfect.

I sat on the couch with my little Evie, named after my Grandmother Genevieve, on my chest. The paramedics arrived and peered at baby but did not touch her.  They asked would I like to cut the cord and I said no.  Philomena arrived a minute later. She was immediately in control, helping with the placenta and then showered and dressed me.

All new born checks were done and P tucked us into bed. Alan and Evie slept right through, cuddled together and I just watched them, amazed by it all and in the morning big brother Calum climbed into our bed and a fantastic love affair with his little sister began. It was just so perfect.

The follow up care, support and advice were unbelievable.  Philomena could not have done more for us during her daily visits in the week after birth. She became a much loved, trusted friend, who changed my life and started me on the path I am on now, supporting other families in pregnancy and birth.

And She's Off ...

My little girl is starting school and I’m going to miss her tremendously.  She’s been my side kick pretty much 24/7 for the last five years.  Of course when I told her this, it was received with a raised eyebrow and a “eh, we will still live together ya know”! And yes, I do know. I know that things are going to change and I know I’m not so good with change.  While on one hand I know that she will absolutely thrive in school, reunited with some of her Montessori friends, I also know that she will find the days long. She’ll miss being able to kiss and cuddle me whenever she wants.  She’ll wish her brothers were with her to see her art work or swap Lego with.  And when I pick her up at the gates, I know this uniform clad girl will regale me with stories of her day and I know I’ll smile and say “wow, I wish I’d seen that”. 

Starting school means she’s not my baby girl anymore. I can no longer spend a large portion of the day protecting her, explaining things, kissing away tears, laughing at her jokes and making up songs with her.  Yes of course we’ll still do all of these things, but they’ll be shorter, squeezed in between homework and what-ever after school activity happens to be on.  When I think of how fast these school years are going to go by, I can’t help but feel really lucky to have had so much time at home with the children.  It’s been very hard at times, sometimes lonely and overwhelming but mainly it has been an honour.  It’s good for me that opening The Baby Room has coincided with her starting school.  In a way I can’t imagine spending my days at home without her there, chatting and looking for food incessantly!  So, it’s a new beginning for all of us. 

I know that holding her hand walking through the school gates, I’ll be reminded of reaching for my mother’s hand, when I walked through the same gates for the first time, so many years ago.  I have such happy memories of my time in Ballon National School and I know my daughter will too. She’ll make new friends and learn so much more about the world.  I’m excited for her and I take great comfort in knowing that the staff are really lovely and that she will not be short of people keeping an eye on her. 

Her big brother is excited to have her with him.  He’ll do a great job of keeping an eye out for her in the playground and making sure she knows the ropes.  If there’s one thing he does very well, leading the way is it!  I know it’s bordering on the ridiculous to be so emotional about her starting but she’s my best little buddy and I am going to miss her terribly.  I am however, going to try embrace the words of her favourite Disney movie and let it go!

Dear Diary

We recently visited Dingle while in Kerry on holidays.  I hadn’t been since a family trip with my parents when I was a teenager. As we walked through the brightly coloured streets, I was assailed by memories of that holiday, a time I hadn’t thought about for years.  I remember we travelled with my uncle, packing fun in, not knowing then that the following summer he would die, leaving us to say goodbye forever.  I remember being curled up in the back of a campervan documenting the trip in my diary.  And as the memories came, so did the regret because a few years ago in a moment of sheer and utter madness I threw all of my diaries into the fire.  They were so personal and contained so much of me – so many ramblings, hopes, dreams, desires, love, loss, sadness, poetry, secrets so tightly guarded that their existence made me feel too exposed.  Too vulnerable.

I first started keeping a diary when I was 9 years old, and although we tormented my oldest sister by reading hers, I think my own managed to stay in the most part, private.  My secret special friend. I wrote in it daily, a bright blue A4 hardback that I covered in stickers and mindless doodles.  Photographs were arranged haphazardly, love hearts drawn, boy’s names scribbled out.

I remember writing about buying my first pair of jeans from the Jeans Den, with money I had earned strawberry picking.  Followed a week later by Metallica’s “Black Album”, the first tape I bought for my inherited Walkman.  That blue book was replaced by many more as the years went on, capturing the highs and lows of my teenage years, leaving home for college, the years I spent living in London and Australia and my world travels with friends.  The unrequited loves and the ones that didn’t last but left lasting lessons.  Today as I write this, the adult me aches to read the childhood scrawl of that small girl, with such big dreams and the strengthening of my character and confidence as I grew in life.

After I had my own children I started to think about what I’d like them to know about their mother.  I don’t for one minute expect them to think I’m perfect or flawless.  In-fact, I know that even my very best efforts couldn’t hide my flaws from them, but I also didn’t want them to know the darkest corners of my mind either.  I’ll regret that decision for a long time to come.  As we passed Paudie’s Bar, I longed to take out my diary and read the words I wrote the night I visited there with my parents, remembering my Dad singing along to the trad band that played to the packed pub. As I grow older, increasingly I think that rather than being shocked or embarrassed by reading my most private thoughts and experiences, that my children would be proud of the mother I grew to be.

The Jigsaw Puzzle of Life

I’m writing this with half an eye on the kids as they play in the garden.  My littlest is following his big sisters every move, idolising her, her shadow.  She has replaced me as the object of his affection and anything she can do, he must follow suit.  ‘Mawn Evay’ is uttered countless times during the day, as he reaches for her hand and they set off on some mischievous adventure or another. I love seeing the dynamic between the kids. Each of their three personalities similar in ways and yet very different. Strengths shining through even at such young ages.  My oldest son’s innate confidence, my daughter’s fierce determination and my littlest boys absolute need for independence. I love watching them grow, seeing their bonds deepening as they explore together, learning from each other. Making memories that they’ll carry through life.  

They are close, my three babies.  Friends at this age, although I do have to referee more frequently as they grow.  I can hear the shutter of the camera as my husband watches them too, through his lens.  Seeing something different than I do. Adding to the thousands of photographs already waiting to be printed.

Sometimes as I watch them growing and changing before my eyes, I try to imagine what the future will hold for them.  I wonder what career paths they might follow or where their travels will take them, or what kind of partners they might choose to share their lives with.  I hope they will remain close and that even if they are separated by land and sea, the bond that they share now will remain strong, as they count on each other, friends as well as family.  I hope they will always hold a soft space for each other – the people that know them best in life and that loved them first.  It’s hard to picture them grown, and gone from me, even though that separation is a natural one and happens a little bit more each day.  I hope that I’m preparing them well for the future.  I hope that I’m giving them the coping skills they will need for the very many challenges that life, no doubt has in store for them. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself to stop more often. To watch them a little more closely. To listen a little bit more attentively and to play with a little more abandon, to drink it all in, knowing that I will never have this time with them again.  Someday they will climb out of my bed for the last time or not need the reassurance of my hand in theirs crossing the road. They will need me in different ways, rather than the all-consuming survival needs of these formative years. 

   

My babies are like jigsaw pieces that combine to make up the whole puzzle of me.  I hope that throughout the years, even as pieces are misplaced and get tattered around the edges, they will always be easily reassembled.