Becoming An Attachment Parent

I didn’t set out to become an “attachment parent”, it just evolved.  The early days of my first son’s life, 7 years ago, are a bit of a haze.  I found becoming a mother a very hard transition.  I had given up my job at a national radio station and suddenly spent large parts of my day alone, covered in one form of bodily fluid or another. My family weren’t close by and I had very little idea of what to do with a baby. I struggled with breastfeeding. We had to have weekly weigh ins to ensure he wasn’t “failing to thrive”.  We were given differing advice from health care professionals every day.  I had a very medicalised birth and developed an infection which really drained me.  I was in a two bed, second floor Dublin apartment, packed with baby paraphernalia that I had no clue how to work.  The buggy required an engineering degree and left me red-faced on more than one occasion, reduced to tears by the devil on four wheels!

I attended ante natal and pregnancy yoga classes.  I listened to my hypnobirthing tracks and made lists of what to bring in my hospital bag but I was totally unprepared for after birth. So, I read books. Books that told me my baby MUST be in a routine, that without three naps a day, he’s suffer a lifetime of sleep deprivation.  While he slept, I should express because if he didn’t take a bottle, then he’d STILL be breastfeeding when he went to college / his father wouldn’t get to bond with him / I’d never get my life back / some version of all of these.

I studied child psychology, had worked with children for years and was a trained infant massage instructor, yet I found myself totally floundering as a new mum.  I felt completely and utterly out of my depth.  I wanted desperately to get out to meet other mums but didn’t because I was so restricted by the “routine rules”.  Finally, after reading advice that encouraged me not to make eye contact with my baby when he woke at night, I realised the ridiculousness of what I was doing, to both of us. Imagine taking the advice of someone who encouraged me to go against every instinct I have? 

So I took a deep breath and said “you’ve got this”! The books went in the bin and my baby came into my bed (and shock horror sometimes still does). He fed when he wanted to, for as long as he wanted to. I carried him in a sling, while the buggy grew cobwebs.  I started to listen to my baby. My body grew him and birthed him and I realised that I knew him and he knew me. Somehow I knew what he needed and I was never going to find that in a book, because it came from inside me.  So I trusted myself and my baby and together we muddled through.

www.TheBabyRoom.ie

My First Column Piece For The Nationalist

My baby turns one this week.  I don’t know how it happened.  It seems like I blinked and my teeny tiny, pink skinned new born was replaced by a hungry, one toothed, bum shuffling, kitten terrorising, small person,  who’s most coherent argument is “no”.  

I’m not sure why time choose this particular year to hurry itself up so much.  Or why, when one of my favourite things in the world is to be holed up in my Momma cave, with a new born on my chest, time thinks it’s ok to force me to move forward.

It truly feels like only yesterday since we welcomed him into our world.  He was born here, at home, in an incredibly gentle water birth.  He opened his eyes and looked at me like he had always known me, before making his way to my breast and feeding.  (The breast crawl is worth YouTubing).  In those first awe inspiring minutes of his life, there was a such a sense of quiet calmness.  Time stopped and there was only stillness.  

Bliss, which lasted all of zero point five seconds until big brother and sister bounded in to introduce themselves and it quickly became apparent that he should, in fact, have come with a health warning - “Danger, severe risk of utter chaos if comes into contact with other small humans”.

3 children, one husband, one dog, 3 chickens, one goldfish and a kitten sure do make for some interesting times.  Possibly one reason why time has flown by – what else could it do when every second of every day is packed full of living?  Also possibly why I live beside my Mammy!

I love being a mother.  It’s one of the few things in life I feel I do well.  Knowing the strength and resilence my body is capable of, having carried, birthed and nursed three children, has inspired such confidence in me and my own abilities.  I love the sense of achievement and reward I gain from loving my children and meeting their needs.  I especially love babies.  So much so I’ve decided to have another one (she says as she barricades the front door to prevent husband running for the hills).

Just kidding! For now!  

It does seem apt though, that as my youngest boy turns one, I find myself nursing a new baby – my business baby - The Baby Room. The Baby Room aims to provide pregnancy, postnatal, baby and toddler classes locally, under one roof.  Building on my background in social care, media, my training as an infant massage and toddler yoga instructor and my ongoing training in nutrition and pilates, I hope that I can inspire some of the same confidence and empowerment in the women and families I meet through my work.  When we believe in ourselves and our abilities great things can happen.  Corny as it seems, I buy into Whitney’s philosophy that the children are our future.  If we teach them well, they will lead the way.


www.TheBabyRoom.ie