A Gentle Way To Birth

I’m delighted to announce that I’m adding GentleBirth Workshops to the classes we offer at The Baby Room.  It’s a unique birth preparation programme, that aims to educate and empower parents.  It draws on the principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Mindfulness, hypnosis and sports psychology and is underpinned by a wealth of factual evidence and research.  Parents are encouraged to retrain their brain, to look at birth in a different context, far removed from the drama portrayed in the media and instead to look within themselves and challenge their ideas, perceptions, beliefs and ultimately to focus on and imagine the birth of their choosing.

GentleBirth has been proven to be a safe and effective way to reduce anxiety during pregnancy and pain during labour within a hospital or home setting. It is widely recommended by midwives and consultants. 98% of mums who have used the programme say that they will use GentleBirth in their next pregnancy.  85% of these moms had no epidural.
The programme is backed by science and takes a unique approach to positive birth preparation by using tried and tested techniques and exercises to challenge and change the way you think about birth, breastfeeding and beyond.
The launch of the new GentleBirth App makes the programme more accessible than ever before, allowing the practice to become easily incorporated into everyday life.  A huge part of the philosophy is the ability to link in with instructors and other parents who have used the programme, through monthly meet ups and through the Facebook group, which has become a community of support and encouragement.
GentleBirth outlines the pros and cons of some of the very many routine interventions in the birth process and looks at their validity in evidence based practice.  The aim is to encourage parents to make informed decisions and to optimise outcomes for both mom and baby.  All of the information provided is based on international best practice.
GentleBirth not only focuses on birth, but also on optimising breastfeeding and promoting the best possible start to establishing the breastfeeding relationship.  It highlights areas such as skin to skin, kangaroo care, delayed cord clamping, and how these benefit the bonding process and foster mom and baby interaction. Birth can be a transformative experience.  It can leave moms feeling elated and triumphant or it can leave moms feeling traumatised.  GentleBirth moms report hugely satisfactory experiences and being one of those moms, I feel I can say, the proof is in the pudding!
The course is inspired, the material is engaging - addictive even and it matters. It really matters. I'm so excited to help provide the tools to empower parents to realise their own strengths and to determine the best course of action for them, so that their lives are forever enriched by the births of their children. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time. The highs and lows have helped shape the woman I am and I feel honoured to be a tiny part of that journey for other women.
Carlow’s first GentleBirth Meet Up takes place on Sunday May 1st in Brooks Café @ 12.
Vsit www.thebabyroom.ie for more information.

Birthday Cakes & Big Dreams

It's 6am and I'm listening to the sounds of Ireland's call.  No, sadly I'm not off in a different time zone, following the exploits of the Irish rugby team.  It's just a regular morning in the Quirke/Joyce household, where my 7 year old is obsessed with all things oval. For his recent birthday he asked for a cake with Sean O’Brien’s face on it.  I like to think I’m semi talented in the cake making department but recreating that masterpiece would definitely have been a step too far for me, so we managed to reach a compromise and I made him a cake in the shape of a jersey with the words “Little Tullow Tank” written on it, in a nod to the man himself.

Last year’s Rugby World Cup did a lot to inspire him but mainly his passion is being fueled by the fantastic work being done at Tullow RFC, where he plays Under 9's.  Each Sunday morning, rain, hail or shine, (mostly rain) scores of family’s flock to the Black Gates where the coaches and helpers give so generously of their time.  This is my sons third year with the club and his confidence, understanding of the rules of the game and skill levels, grow weekly.  My sister plays with Tullow ladies and I love the sport myself, so it’s a real joy to cheer him on from the sidelines as he commits to tackles, encourages his team mates and takes pride in carrying the ball over the try line.

It certainly helps to have an international player of Sean O’Brien’s calibre take such an active interest in the club.  He’s commitment and involvement are second to none, from helping out with training sessions to presenting end of year awards to the underage teams.  Children need hero’s.  They need them to aspire to.  Writer Peggy Noonan suggests that young people are moved and inspired by greatness. Heroes, just by being, communicate the idea that you can turn your life into something great.  For a lot of local children, Sean certainly meets the criteria and with the country on the verge of an obesity epidemic, there has never been a more pressing need for sports people such has himself, to lead by example. 

One in four Irish children are obese. Four out of five don’t meet the Government’s physical activity guidelines of 60 minutes a day.  In my baby and toddler classes, we promote strength, flexibility, balance and relaxation, helping to lay the foundations for a healthy lifestyle from an early age. There’s a sport and a club for everyone.  Simple things like helping our children walk or cycle to school are great first steps in getting us all moving.  As parents, we are the first place our children turn to for direction and guidance. We are their first hero and so it’s really important that we model positive behaviours, especially around health and well-being.

My son says he’ll play rugby for Ireland. The more I watch his determination, the more I reckon he might just be right.

Visit us at www.thebabyroom.ie for more information on our classes. 

Talking Through Trauma

I strive to teach my children that the world is a safe place to be and that people are intrinsically good, kind, loving and caring. When something happens to shake the very core of those beliefs, I struggle with how best to approach the issues in an age appropriate way.  The horrific events that have unfolded in Brussels and Paris in recent times have received such widespread coverage in the media that there is simply very little opportunity to escape them. Images that are so graphic in their nature, that I, as an adult struggle with them.

How do you tell a 7 year-old that deranged killers gunned down 129 innocent people and injured 352 others on a Friday evening in Paris?  Or explain to a four year old that the roots of the actions of those that killed 31 people and wounded 250 more in rush hour in Brussels, are entrenched so deeply in utter falsehoods, as to be devoid of humanity and compassion?  How do you shield them from the worst details of such atrocities?
I don’t know that there are easy answers to those questions.  Certainly for me honesty is hugely important.  Using simple language to provide clear and uncomplicated explanations to outline the facts of what transpired. That people should be butchered while going to work, or enjoying a family meal or listening to their favourite band at a concert instils a huge sense of fear and uncertainty.  Children and adults alike ask could this happen to me? What if my family is not safe?
The Child Development Institute suggest that in order to facilitate understanding, we must acknowledge that a terrible and frightening event has unfolded and that we share our children’s concerns.  It’s important that we encourage our children to ask questions and create discussion around the events.  All children process things differently depending on their level of maturity.  Some children will become emotional and cry. Others may need time to process the information and ask questions over the following days and weeks.  Psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz, says that for older children, knowledge and facts are very empowering in helping to combat anxiety.  Therefore, open dialogue is vital in order to make sense of what has transpired.  It’s always good to follow up with a cuddle, to remind our children that they are safe and loved and that the chances of something like this happening to us are very rare.

It’s important to me that I provide clarity to my children, particularly when the information pertains to disturbing events.  Playground talk is notorious for misinformation and in circumstances such as these, that can have a huge impact on our small people.  I don’t want my children to be fearful.  I don’t want them to blame an entire religion for the actions of a minority.  I want them to grow up to be tolerant, accepting, respectful and open adults, who aren’t afraid of difference.  For me, this can only be fostered through honest discussion, even if the subject matter is truly horrific.

Pieces of Me - Written for A Lust for Life Website

September and November are months of celebration in our house.  Both my sons were born in November and my daughter is a sunny September girl.  But they are months of sadness too.  September three years ago, days before my daughter’s first birthday, I had my first miscarriage in my 13^th week.  I had started to bleed and a scan revealed that my baby no longer had a heartbeat.  I’d never really thought about miscarriage before.  I had never discussed it with anyone who had been through it.   I’d had two healthy pregnancies and births and to suddenly be experiencing difficulties was completely alien.  We had a pretty traumatic hospital experience.  The doctor came and went but never addressed my husband. It was like he was invisible. He never told him our baby had died, that fell to me. He never wrote me a prescription for pain relief and I was sent home bleeding without a sanitary towel.  No information leaflet, no support, no empathy for that fact that our much loved child had died inside me.  Having to do something as mundane as stop at a pharmacy and get supplies when the arse had just fallen out of my life was an insult. Later when I had the strength to complain I was told we were treated that way because I attended out of hours – as if my baby couldn’t even afford me the convenience of dying between business hours.

Luckily, I had the most incredible midwife and friend, Philomena Canning, who had been with me for the home birth of my daughter.  She very honestly talked me through what to expect in the coming days.  Two days later, I birthed my baby.  It was a painful and utterly shocking experience.  Holding the tiny body in the palm of my hands, counting perfectly formed fingers, looking into eyes that would never see, my heart broke into a million pieces.  I placed my baby into an ornate box and I held it through the night as if my own life depended on it.  I felt totally empty but there was also a sense of real peace in being at home in my husband’s arms.  I got to hold my baby, to kiss him and to say goodbye. 

5 weeks later I discovered I was pregnant again, and, although absolutely petrified I was certain that everything would be fine.  I’d never be so unlucky twice.  I was a fool.  I was 7 weeks pregnant when I started experiencing severe pain and dizziness. A trip to the EPU, the day after my sons 4^th birthday, revealed that I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.  My baby was growing inside my right fallopian tube.  I was bleeding internally and required immediate surgery.  I simply couldn’t believe the cruelty of it and was stunned by the urgency of the situation.  In consenting to surgery, I knew I was signing my babies life away and yet there was simply no choice in order to save my own.  This is something I still struggle with.  The feelings I felt upon waking from surgery will haunt me forever.  The emptiness nearly suffocated me.  I felt incredibly violated.  I felt like a failure.  I didn’t protect my babies.  My body had let us down.  Being forced to endure the sounds of crying new born babies on the maternity ward, when my own had been cut from me was a form of psychological torture that I sometimes wonder how I recovered from.

The weeks that followed are a blur.  I started to experience anxiety and horrific nightmares.  I got up each morning because my children needed me to but I was living under a cloud.  Outwardly I smiled.  Inside I was screaming.  I knew I needed to talk it all through so I found a really good grief counsellor who helped me start to process my losses.  I began to exercise and eat well.  I set myself the goal of competing in my first triathlon.  I needed to prove that my body was strong. I started training with a great group of friends and 6 months later I crossed the finish line, carrying my babies in my heart.   I felt I was paying tribute to the lives they wouldn’t live.  Getting physically stronger helped me to get mentally strong.  Spending time training and laughing with friends helped to heal the sadness.  The following year I competed in the same event while I was 15 weeks pregnant.  We welcomed our beautiful rainbow baby into our lives last November and he has been like a balm, soothing my soul.

My boys cheering me on as I approach finish line @ Tri Athy

Crossing the finish line in Tri Kilkenny with my oldest son

When he was five months old I was shocked to discover I was pregnant again, my 6^th pregnancy in 7 years.  I was just getting my head around it when once again the pain and bleeding started.  I was experiencing what is called a “chemical” pregnancy and the tiny life ended almost as soon as it began. 

Miscarriage effects 1 in every 4 pregnancies.  Ectopic pregnancy typically 1 in every 80.  Chemical pregnancies are as common as half of all first pregnancies.  That means that each and every one of us knows someone who has been touched by pregnancy loss and yet the conversation around it is deafening in its silence. 

At times I’ve felt incredibly lonely and broken.  There were days when I thought I might never smile again.  Loss has thought me so much about love and friendship, kindness and spirit.  I have an incredible appreciation of women.  We pick ourselves up and we carry on with pieces of our hearts are missing. 

Family Ties - Nurse Margaret Kehoe

Next week my children are taking to the stage to portray street urchins in a play entitled “Fallen Angel”.  It’s a piece written by my cousin Eleanor Cummins, to commemorate her gran aunt, my great gran aunt, Margaret Kehoe, who was killed in the 1916 Rising.

My grandmother was Genevieve Kehoe, from Orchard House, in Leighlinbridge.  Like her aunt Margaret before her, Nanny was a nurse, as is her daughter Maggie and her granddaughters, Sheri and Eimear.  

Nurse Margaret was on duty in the South Dublin Union, now St. James Hospital, on Easter Monday, the first day of The Rising.  The Union was of strategic military importance because it was close to British headquarters.  Margaret was working on the top floor when the fighting began.  During a lull in fighting she descended the stairs to tend to the wounded.  As she did so, she was shot several times by British soldiers and died instantly.  Volunteer Commander Eamonn Ceannt, one of the signatories of the Proclamation, referred to her as the first martyr of the Rising and said “she died for Ireland just as surely as if she’d worn the uniform”.

On Easter Saturday, the family gathered to attend services to commemorate the 100-year anniversary of the Rising and the life of Nurse Margaret.  There was a wreath laying ceremony in Ballinabranagh cemetery, where she is buried and afterwards a plaque in her honour, was unveiled at Leighlinbridge Memorial Garden.  The project received funding from the Carlow Ireland 2017 Committee of Carlow County Council and Ireland 2016.

It’s been an honour learning about Margaret, who’s story, according to Trinity College’s assistant professor in Nursing, Paul Horan, was “airbrushed out of history because the British were in charge of propaganda, and didn’t want the world to know that they had shot a nurse in uniform.”

Orchard is more well known for being the ancestral home of Captain Myles Walter Kehoe, Margaret’s uncle.  I grew up with stories of Myles and his exploits as a member of the Papal Guard before fighting in the American Civil War, where he was chosen to escort Abraham Lincoln, on one of his tours of army bases.  Most famously though Myles Kehoe fought and died with General Custer in Custer’s Last Stand at the Battle of the Little Big Horn. 

He and Custer were the only soldiers not scalped or mutilated.  In Kehoe’s case, reportedly, because he wore the Papal medal, which was later recovered from the body of Sitting Bull, chief of the Sioux.  Myles’ horse Comanche was found alive two days after the battle and is preserved at the University of Kansas, where it is used to highlight the importance of equestrian involvement in US history.  The kids have been completely enthralled by these stories of their brave ancestors. 

“Fallen Angel” is based on material from family stories and the work of Professor Horan.  The 1^st performance takes place on Saturday April 16th at 2pm in Deighton Hall, Carlow and features performances from local musicians, poets and story tellers.