Talking Through Trauma

I strive to teach my children that the world is a safe place to be and that people are intrinsically good, kind, loving and caring. When something happens to shake the very core of those beliefs, I struggle with how best to approach the issues in an age appropriate way.  The horrific events that have unfolded in Brussels and Paris in recent times have received such widespread coverage in the media that there is simply very little opportunity to escape them. Images that are so graphic in their nature, that I, as an adult struggle with them.

How do you tell a 7 year-old that deranged killers gunned down 129 innocent people and injured 352 others on a Friday evening in Paris?  Or explain to a four year old that the roots of the actions of those that killed 31 people and wounded 250 more in rush hour in Brussels, are entrenched so deeply in utter falsehoods, as to be devoid of humanity and compassion?  How do you shield them from the worst details of such atrocities?
I don’t know that there are easy answers to those questions.  Certainly for me honesty is hugely important.  Using simple language to provide clear and uncomplicated explanations to outline the facts of what transpired. That people should be butchered while going to work, or enjoying a family meal or listening to their favourite band at a concert instils a huge sense of fear and uncertainty.  Children and adults alike ask could this happen to me? What if my family is not safe?
The Child Development Institute suggest that in order to facilitate understanding, we must acknowledge that a terrible and frightening event has unfolded and that we share our children’s concerns.  It’s important that we encourage our children to ask questions and create discussion around the events.  All children process things differently depending on their level of maturity.  Some children will become emotional and cry. Others may need time to process the information and ask questions over the following days and weeks.  Psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz, says that for older children, knowledge and facts are very empowering in helping to combat anxiety.  Therefore, open dialogue is vital in order to make sense of what has transpired.  It’s always good to follow up with a cuddle, to remind our children that they are safe and loved and that the chances of something like this happening to us are very rare.

It’s important to me that I provide clarity to my children, particularly when the information pertains to disturbing events.  Playground talk is notorious for misinformation and in circumstances such as these, that can have a huge impact on our small people.  I don’t want my children to be fearful.  I don’t want them to blame an entire religion for the actions of a minority.  I want them to grow up to be tolerant, accepting, respectful and open adults, who aren’t afraid of difference.  For me, this can only be fostered through honest discussion, even if the subject matter is truly horrific.