Opting Out

First Holy Communion season is over for another year and this “opt out” family are breathing a sigh of relief.  Chicken Pox prevented us from accepting offers by friends to join them in celebrating their special day, which we would have been delighted to do, but receiving the sacrament itself, is just not for us.  Personally, I feel that religion has no place in state run schools.  I believe faith is a personal experience, which should be taught by the Church, in conjunction with parents, outside of school hours.

I choose to have my eldest son baptised.  And when I say I, I mean I.  My partner was vehemently opposed to it. I was raised Catholic, as was he, but in the years we had known each other, outside of weddings and funerals, I hadn’t set foot inside a church. He asked me to question my religion – What did it mean? What did I actually believe? Was Mary, the virgin mother of God? Did the first female really come from Adam’s rib? Did I believe in Transubstantiation? And much as I truly wanted to believe that someday I would be reunited with the important people that I have loved and lost, it just felt like an empty promise.

Very quickly it became apparent that while, I didn’t believe, Catholicism was so deeply ingrained in me that even thinking about not baptising my 1st born, caused me massive anxiety.  I didn’t want to disappoint our parents.  Both are incredibly supportive of our parenting choices and never put any pressure on us to conform in any way.  The fact that we were having a baby before being married, wasn’t treated as something shameful or sinful, as was the case for so many in previous generations, punished by a Catholic Church, whose legacy of workhouses, laundries and forced adoptions will forever stain our history books.

In the end, the deciding factor became school enrolment, and coupled with a sense of duty, our son was Christened.  Being Baptised in order to obtain a school place became less of an issue outside Dublin, so our other children weren’t Christened and even though our son attends a Catholic primary school, he will not make his Communion.  He’s OK with this.  He believes in science and evolution.  Some people say “but you have a choice to send him to a Catholic school”.  90% of primary schools are Catholic.  6% are other religions. 4% are none.  That’s not choice.  Yes, Carlow has a wonderful Educate Together school but that would mean removing my children from their local community.  Some people say “but he’ll miss out”.  On what exactly? We have plenty of special family days. What I am concerned about is him missing out on his education by spending class time in the Church.

I know faith is extremely important to countless people and I respect that and champion their right to celebrate it, in their own time and at their own expense. Ireland is not a catholic country anymore.  We have sex before we get married, we use contraception, we “allow” same sex marriage, we get divorced – all things the Catholic church says are wrong.  Our culture is diverse, many nationalities, religions and none. Should my children decide to pursue a faith when they are old enough to understand what it entails, then I will actively encourage and support their choices.  For now, we are embracing the motto “Be the change you want to see” and are opting out and we hope that the Department of Education catches up.