Why I Choose To Birth At Home

My first home birth baby turns five this month.  Here’s our story: 

My knowledge of "home birthing" was confined to tales of how my mother’s aunt helped to deliver her on my Grannies kitchen floor, so, like many mums when I discovered I was pregnant, having a home birth wasn’t something I knew was even an option.  I had a very healthy pregnancy with my first son but an induction and bad reaction to an epidural, as well as not feeling listened to during his birth left me feeling dis-empowered.  I hated being left in hospital - torn, tired, sore and alone with my new baby simply because visiting time was over and my husband had to go home.  I developed an infection and the breastfeeding support was abysmal so when I discovered I was pregnant again, I began to examine my options.

A quick internet search led me to the Home Birth Association of Ireland, where I spent a long time reading about why women chose home birth, the process involved, reading articles and examining facts and figures.  Myself and my husband decided it was something we would like to explore, so we set up a meeting with a Self Employed Community Midwife.  Philomenia Canning, Philo or P, as we affectionately call her, walked into our lives, a tall, strong, confident woman and within minutes of meeting her I could picture her at the birth of my baby, encouraging and supporting me and I knew this was the right decision for me.  She outlined the process to us, explaining the concept of giving ownership of the birthing process back to women, of not viewing healthy pregnancy and birth as something to be managed but rather as a naturally occurring process during which mum and baby learn to know and trust their bodies.  I mention healthy pregnancy, as one of the first things Philo stressed to us was that home birth was only an option in healthy, low-risk pregnancies.  In the event of becoming ill during pregnancy Philomenia's exact words were "I am not what you need", so I knew from the off that if I or my baby were unwell or at risk, then our care would be transferred to hospital where we would receive the necessary treatment, meaning home birth would no longer be an option.

We asked Philomena to be our midwife after this first meeting. It was the right fit for our family.  Also a contributing factor was that we had chosen to see a consultant privately and after paying him €4,000, he was not present at the birth of our son, who was delivered by an extremely competent midwife. Our next step was to inform the HSE of our decision, as they provide some of the funding to pay independent midwives.  They also carry out a risk assessment and have a strict, almost prohibitive, home birth criteria. I also booked into the local hospital, in case of transfer. Family and friends had lots of questions, which was really great as it made me really focus on having the birth of my choosing.  

Philomena came to our home each month, until the last month when she came weekly. Our toddler son was very involved, measuring my tummy, checking my blood pressure and listening to baby’s heartbeat.  He talked about “his” baby constantly. 

On the day of my daughter's birth, we were up early to cheer on Ireland in the Rugby World Cup. I was uncomfortable but not alarmingly so. We were due to attend a family wedding and my stilettos were at the ready but at the last minute I decided to stay home, so the boys went. I started becoming more aware of mild contractions but predominantly back pain and by late afternoon decided I better pay attention to them. At 7pm I rang both Philomena and my husband to tell them things were starting.  I didn't feel any sense of urgency and told them both there was no rush. My sister came to keep me company and we started to fill the birth pool. The fire was lighting, candles were burning, Andrea Bocelli was playing and the atmosphere was lovely and calm. My waters released just after 9 O’clock, minutes after my husband arrived home. I remember him removing the cuff links of his pristine white shirt and thinking he looked like he meant business!

Philo, who was bombing it down the motorway suggested we call an ambulance. I didn’t want to as I knew the baby was coming and I wasn’t prepared to leave home, but we did call. I climbed into my lovely warm peaceful birth pool and felt instant relief wash over me. I was submerged about a minute when Philomena advised I get out, as it was apparent that I was looking at an unassisted birth. 

I moved to the couch, on hands and knees and began to naturally sway my hips back and forth.  I knew Philo wouldn’t make it and I quelled a sense of panic with some deep breathing and told myself “you’ve got this”. Calm came over me and I instinctively knew my baby and my body knew what to do. 

The paramedic was on loud speaker with my husband who was preparing to catch his baby.  My sister was fantastic, wiping my face and encouraging me. After one big push I was able to reach down and feel the silky head of my baby.  It was incredible and almost immediately my daughter was born into her Daddy's arms at 9.27. She was tiny and so calm and absolutely perfect.

I sat on the couch with my little Evie, named after my Grandmother Genevieve, on my chest. The paramedics arrived and peered at baby but did not touch her.  They asked would I like to cut the cord and I said no.  Philomena arrived a minute later. She was immediately in control, helping with the placenta and then showered and dressed me.

All new born checks were done and P tucked us into bed. Alan and Evie slept right through, cuddled together and I just watched them, amazed by it all and in the morning big brother Calum climbed into our bed and a fantastic love affair with his little sister began. It was just so perfect.

The follow up care, support and advice were unbelievable.  Philomena could not have done more for us during her daily visits in the week after birth. She became a much loved, trusted friend, who changed my life and started me on the path I am on now, supporting other families in pregnancy and birth.

And She's Off ...

My little girl is starting school and I’m going to miss her tremendously.  She’s been my side kick pretty much 24/7 for the last five years.  Of course when I told her this, it was received with a raised eyebrow and a “eh, we will still live together ya know”! And yes, I do know. I know that things are going to change and I know I’m not so good with change.  While on one hand I know that she will absolutely thrive in school, reunited with some of her Montessori friends, I also know that she will find the days long. She’ll miss being able to kiss and cuddle me whenever she wants.  She’ll wish her brothers were with her to see her art work or swap Lego with.  And when I pick her up at the gates, I know this uniform clad girl will regale me with stories of her day and I know I’ll smile and say “wow, I wish I’d seen that”. 

Starting school means she’s not my baby girl anymore. I can no longer spend a large portion of the day protecting her, explaining things, kissing away tears, laughing at her jokes and making up songs with her.  Yes of course we’ll still do all of these things, but they’ll be shorter, squeezed in between homework and what-ever after school activity happens to be on.  When I think of how fast these school years are going to go by, I can’t help but feel really lucky to have had so much time at home with the children.  It’s been very hard at times, sometimes lonely and overwhelming but mainly it has been an honour.  It’s good for me that opening The Baby Room has coincided with her starting school.  In a way I can’t imagine spending my days at home without her there, chatting and looking for food incessantly!  So, it’s a new beginning for all of us. 

I know that holding her hand walking through the school gates, I’ll be reminded of reaching for my mother’s hand, when I walked through the same gates for the first time, so many years ago.  I have such happy memories of my time in Ballon National School and I know my daughter will too. She’ll make new friends and learn so much more about the world.  I’m excited for her and I take great comfort in knowing that the staff are really lovely and that she will not be short of people keeping an eye on her. 

Her big brother is excited to have her with him.  He’ll do a great job of keeping an eye out for her in the playground and making sure she knows the ropes.  If there’s one thing he does very well, leading the way is it!  I know it’s bordering on the ridiculous to be so emotional about her starting but she’s my best little buddy and I am going to miss her terribly.  I am however, going to try embrace the words of her favourite Disney movie and let it go!