Women, Wine & Words

Tonight I’m going to start to read a book.  Not read to my children and not read because I’m studying, but I’m going to just read because I love to read.  For as long as I can remember I have loved books.  Loved the feel and smell of the paper.  Loved the way the words flow across the pages and loved being transported to another time and place.  Loved the twists and turns, the highs and lows, the loves and losses.  I adore books.  My earliest memories are of reading Tom McCaughren’s Run With The Wind series, followed by The Famous Five and every Roald Dahl book under the sun.  I read under the covers by torch light, and while setting the table for dinner and I read on car journey’s.  But since having my children, reading for sheer enjoyment is something I rarely have the pleasure of doing.

So I’ve joined a book club.  This is my second attempt at doing so.  I made one gathering last time around, helped to decide on a book and then never got around to starting it.  This time will be different!  Since opening The Baby Room, it has kind of consumed me, both my time and my mind so I’m actively searching for the mental release that fiction brings or the fact based learning that being immersed in a biography brings.

Words are really powerful.  They are emotive and they are one of my favourite things, so I’m hoping that the group ethos of a book club will both inspire me to read and read outside of my comfort zone and add to my enjoyment of the book because I’ll be encouraged to engage with the material and question how and why it moves me.  Reading books I might not ordinarily choose is one of the things I’m most looking forward to.  Usually within a couple of pages I know if a book has me hooked.  I’ve abandoned books in the past if I haven’t connected with them, but because of the discussion element of a book club I’ll plough on through and hopefully, even if I don’t enjoy the read, I’ll gain something from it – maybe being put to sleep by it is reward enough! It’s this discussion that appeals to me.  It’s always great to get together with like-minded people, and I do so daily in my work, but it’s also nice to meet new and interesting people, people with a different mindset and perspective.  Sometimes I’m so immersed in my pregnancy, childbirth, mother world, that I forget anything else exists beyond it, so drawing on the tastes and interests of others will be a new experience for me.

Book clubs involve a social element – food and wine – two more of my favourite things, so when I was invited to join “Women, Wine & Words – The Carlow Chapter”, I happily accepted. Our first book is “The Girl on the Train” by Paula Hawkins and I’m looking forward to getting lost on the journey.  

Top Ten Tips for a Positive Birth

This week, organiser of the recent Irish Positive Birth Conference - midwife, mum and founder of the GentleBirth programme, Tracy Donegan, shares her Top Ten Tips for a positive birth with our Baby Room readers.

1. Choose your place of birth carefully

Not all hospitals are the same.  What type of care does yours provide? Is it evidence based?  Is there a Midwife Led Unit on site or a Homebirth scheme? Would you prefer to birth at home with a Self Employed Community Midwife? Or would you prefer to choose a private home birth care provider?

If you are unhappy with the care you receive, you can opt to change hospitals or request a new care provider.

2. Move your body in pregnancy and in labour.

Exercise in pregnancy helps improve focus and build endurance, reduces the risk of complications, helps to prepare for labour, benefits baby and gets those feel good, happy hormones flowing.

3. Take an independent antenatal class

Taking an antenatal class outside of the hospital environment will often provide evidence based research, which might not be in line with your hospitals policies and procedures.  You are gaining independent, impartial, positive feedback, which you can compare with the information given during your hospital class.

4. Hire a Doula

A Doula gives support, help, and advice during pregnancy, birth and postnatally. Having a Doula present at birth shortens labour, lessens the need for pain relief, reduces caesareans and instrumental deliveries and results in less likelihood of postnatal depression and a higher incidence of breastfeeding.  Mothers are also less likely to rate their birth experience negatively. A Doula also provides support in the home in early labour and in the days after birth.

5. Avoid the negative Nellies

Sometimes people feel the need to share their negative birth stories.  We need to tune these out and surround ourselves with positive birth images and stories.  Find your tribe - supportive, encouraging people who realise that you are vulnerable in pregnancy and do everything in their power to lift you up, increase self-belief and keep you focused on having a positive birth. Find like-minded groups, both in person and online.

6. Partner Preparation

Your focus on your baby’s birth day is you and baby.  Your partner’s role is everything else! They can negotiate with the hospital staff, facilitate on your behalf and use the comfort strategies they have learned to help decrease anxiety.

7. Written Birth Preferences

Write down your birth preferences – what would you like, dislike? View it as a communication tool, helping you focus on the kind of birth you would like to achieve.  It’s about personal choice and it helps inform your midwife of your wishes ahead of time.

8. Labour in Water

Warm water immersion shortens labour, reduces pain and allows for greater freedom of movement.

9. Build Your Labour Toolkit

Make use of a birthing ball or a CUB to help with upright positioning. A tens machine, acupressure, music and mental strategies can all be useful forms of natural pain relief. Know what pain relief is available to you and how each one might affect you and baby.

10. Focus On What Can Go Right

Your mindset heading into birth is hugely important.  Train your brain in pregnancy to prepare for a calm, positive birth, whatever direction that birth takes.

GentleBirth is a birth preparation programme, which combines brain science, birth science and technology to empower positive birth.  Our first weekend workshop takes place at The Baby Room on 22^nd and 23^rd October.  

Irish Positive Birth Conference

Childbirth can be an incredible experience. It often doesn’t fit with the “clean up on aisle 3” drama that is portrayed on television and it’s really important that we focus on the word drama.  Even shows like One Born Every Minute, which are the birth experiences of real families, are subject to editing and story selection.  Drama increases ratings.  But it’s not always accurate and certainly when it comes to birth, I for one can hold my hand up and say that’s it possible to have a good birth.  I have had three, one more empowering than the next.  But I also know too many women who have been traumatised by the process and left unsupported in that trauma.  

Ina May Gaskin 

Recently I was fortunate enough to be in a room with some of the most amazing women, who have helped shape not only my views on birth, but on parenting and life in general.  The very tranquil Dun Laoighre set the scene for the first Irish Positive Birth Conference.  Ina May Gaskin was the keynote speaker.  Often described as the “mother of authentic midwifery”, Ina May is the founder of the Farm Midwifery Centre and the author of several influential books on birth and breastfeeding.  She has lectured all over the world and is the only midwife to have on obstetric manoeuvre named after her.  Her calm, no nonsense, whitty manner are endearing and there is a revered silence when she talks about removing fear from childbirth, about honouring the woman’s intuition, about mother’s smiling as they ease their babies into the world.

The conference was chaired by Mum, broadcaster, and mental health campaigner, Dil Wickremasinghe, who stressed the importance of sharing our positive birth stories.  Dil shared her own experiences of home birth, postnatal depression, breastfeeding and injected lots of humour throughout the day. 

Midwife, founder of the GentleBirth programme and conference organiser, Tracy Donegan, made the trip from California, where she is now based. Tracy discussed the importance of knowing your options, researching your hospital and care providers to find the best possible care for you and your family.  Next week’s column will focus on Tracy’s top tips for a positive birth. 

Scottish midwife Cass McNamara spoke about the importance of being in an upright position for birth, something we focus on in our Pregnancy Pilates classes.  Upright birth positions increase space in the pelvis, reduce the time spent in both the first and second stages of labour, reduce the need for medically assisted labour, cause less distress to baby and reduce the need for pain relief and the necessity of an emergency caesarean. 

We also heard from Paula Barry, who is doing amazing work around water birth at the Coombe. Baby wearing consultant Maeve Lyons discussed how slings can contribute to a positive postpartum period.  Dr. Chris Fitzpatrick shared his point of view as an obstetrician, highlighting a fear of litigation and budget constraints as two key concerns for medical professionals.

A really varied and uplifting day, we even had some dancing for birth, with one of my favourite quotes as the take home message: “She believed she could, so she did”. Next year, world renowned obstetrician Michel Odent will address the conference.  The date is to be confirmed but I’m booking the whole month of October off to ensure I don’t miss him!!

The Importance of Paediatric 1st Aid Training

There is lots of prep work to be done when getting ready to welcome a new baby.  There’s hospital bags to be packed and seemingly endless lists of baby items to be purchased, some absolute necessities, others not so much.  For me, both as a parent and as an instructor, probably top of the necessity list is a paediatric first aid course.  The peace of mind this training offers is invaluable, particularly, I found when introducing solid foods to my babies.  

Thankfully, we’ve managed to escape relatively unscathed in the accident department but my First Aid training was called into play recently when my 7year-old sustained a head injury in a fall.  My training enabled me to remain calm and feel relatively confident in knowing what to do, even while looking at my child’s skull!

Recent research commissioned by the Irish Red Cross indicates that 80% of adults fear dealing with first aid emergencies such as head injuries, the ingestion of harmful substances or anaphylactic shock.  It further suggests that the majority of adults do not believe that they would be able to respond correctly to eight out of thirteen emergency first aid situations.  Household emergencies involving children can occur at any time.  From falls, burns and choking to the danger of electrical shocks, there are any number of unexpected occurrences that can injure a child. Head of First Aid Training with the Irish Red Cross, Danny Curran, says that “lives can be saved when you are able to treat injuries and illness quickly”. 

There are lots of first aid kits on the market, from basic right through to more advanced kits, but if you don’t wish to invest, you can always gather your own supplies. 

So, what should your household First Aid Kit contain?

• Plasters for treating small, everyday cuts.
• Bandages for larger cuts. Bandages can also help secure an injured limb.
• Safety pins to keep the bandage in place.
• Sterile wound dressings to help prevent infection of an exposed wound.
• Non-alcoholic disinfectant wipes to clean wounds.
• Scissors to cut away clothing and to cut bandages to size.
• Examination gloves should always be worn as a barrier to infection.
• Sterile water to clean wounds.
• Pocket face mask for carrying out CPR.
• Burns dressings, which act as a cooling method and also help prevent infection.

Every member of the family should be familiar with where the First Aid Kit is kept and children should be taught how to phone emergency services and aask for help.

We were recently joined at The Baby Room by Ciara Dowling of Early Years First Aid, where her 2hour Baby First Aid and 4hour Paediatric First Aid classes were an incredible success.  Both courses cover CPR, choking, wounds, head injuries, fractures, sprains and strains, burns, temperature control, allergic reactions, seizures, childhood illnesses and lots more and offer a 2-year certification.  We look forward to working with Ciara in the future to bring skills, confidence and lifesaving knowledge to parents and care givers in Carlow.

For more information, you can contact Ciara at www.earlyyearsfirstaid. The Irish Red Cross App is free to download for your Smartphone and tablet and can be accessed at www.redcross.ie/firstaidapp 

Mindfulness for Kids at The Baby Room

In the past, I often found myself telling my children to “calm down” or to “relax” but never showing them what these things actually meant or in fact, how to achieve them.  Through my studies and self-practice of Mindfulness, I began to realise that just as I was learning ways to acknowledge and work through stress and emotions, my children needed the resources to do the same. 

Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose and in the present moment.  It involves acceptance – paying attention to thoughts and feelings, without judging or reacting to them.  Studies suggest that mindfulness can help develop our children’s concentration and self-awareness, providing tools to help calm down and to make better decisions.  Children who practice mindfulness benefit from improved cognitive outcomes, social-emotional skills, and wellbeing. These benefits may lead to long-term improvements in life, such as improved education, employment, crime, substance abuse and mental health outcomes in adulthood.

There has been an explosion of research into the neuroplasticity of the brain, which seems to conclude that brain training, using mindfulness practices, strengthens the areas of the brain that are responsible for attention, emotional control and problem solving. Specifically, mindfulness can help us to shift our attention and regulate our reactions.  Compassion based mindfulness practices, both towards ourselves and others, also appear to combat the production of negative emotions.

It can be a difficult enough concept for the adult brain, so finding ways to teach practices to my children has been a really creative process.  We started with a nightly body scan, which is one of the fundamental ways of bringing consciousness to different parts of the body and we incorporate a level of gratitude practice into this – thanking our bodies for being strong, and brave and for helping us have fun throughout the day.  The responses of my own children to this and to breathing work, led me to want to develop a programme of work with other children and so our Mindfulness for Kids Programme at The Baby Room was devised.  

Over the course of four weeks, children are introduced to mindfulness in a fun way, fostering the development of those calming and relaxation skills.  We introduce the concept of Breathing Buddies, helping children to connect with their breath.  Bubbles and balloons are other simple ways of tuning in to our breathing. Our Spider Hero Super Senses encourage us to notice what our senses are bringing to us, the noises we hear, the smells we smell, the tastes we taste. Weather Reports and Gratitude Practices help us to identify our feelings in a safe, supported environment. Physical craft activities such as making Worry Trees, Mindful Colouring, blow painting and the making of a Mind Jar give our practice of a sometimes abstract concept, a more concrete basis.  Games, songs and stories that require focused attention are also interspersed through classes.  The children are really embracing the concepts and the class is fast becoming one of my favourites to teach, helping me fine tune my own practice into the mix.

Why I Choose To Birth At Home

My first home birth baby turns five this month.  Here’s our story: 

My knowledge of "home birthing" was confined to tales of how my mother’s aunt helped to deliver her on my Grannies kitchen floor, so, like many mums when I discovered I was pregnant, having a home birth wasn’t something I knew was even an option.  I had a very healthy pregnancy with my first son but an induction and bad reaction to an epidural, as well as not feeling listened to during his birth left me feeling dis-empowered.  I hated being left in hospital - torn, tired, sore and alone with my new baby simply because visiting time was over and my husband had to go home.  I developed an infection and the breastfeeding support was abysmal so when I discovered I was pregnant again, I began to examine my options.

A quick internet search led me to the Home Birth Association of Ireland, where I spent a long time reading about why women chose home birth, the process involved, reading articles and examining facts and figures.  Myself and my husband decided it was something we would like to explore, so we set up a meeting with a Self Employed Community Midwife.  Philomenia Canning, Philo or P, as we affectionately call her, walked into our lives, a tall, strong, confident woman and within minutes of meeting her I could picture her at the birth of my baby, encouraging and supporting me and I knew this was the right decision for me.  She outlined the process to us, explaining the concept of giving ownership of the birthing process back to women, of not viewing healthy pregnancy and birth as something to be managed but rather as a naturally occurring process during which mum and baby learn to know and trust their bodies.  I mention healthy pregnancy, as one of the first things Philo stressed to us was that home birth was only an option in healthy, low-risk pregnancies.  In the event of becoming ill during pregnancy Philomenia's exact words were "I am not what you need", so I knew from the off that if I or my baby were unwell or at risk, then our care would be transferred to hospital where we would receive the necessary treatment, meaning home birth would no longer be an option.

We asked Philomena to be our midwife after this first meeting. It was the right fit for our family.  Also a contributing factor was that we had chosen to see a consultant privately and after paying him €4,000, he was not present at the birth of our son, who was delivered by an extremely competent midwife. Our next step was to inform the HSE of our decision, as they provide some of the funding to pay independent midwives.  They also carry out a risk assessment and have a strict, almost prohibitive, home birth criteria. I also booked into the local hospital, in case of transfer. Family and friends had lots of questions, which was really great as it made me really focus on having the birth of my choosing.  

Philomena came to our home each month, until the last month when she came weekly. Our toddler son was very involved, measuring my tummy, checking my blood pressure and listening to baby’s heartbeat.  He talked about “his” baby constantly. 

On the day of my daughter's birth, we were up early to cheer on Ireland in the Rugby World Cup. I was uncomfortable but not alarmingly so. We were due to attend a family wedding and my stilettos were at the ready but at the last minute I decided to stay home, so the boys went. I started becoming more aware of mild contractions but predominantly back pain and by late afternoon decided I better pay attention to them. At 7pm I rang both Philomena and my husband to tell them things were starting.  I didn't feel any sense of urgency and told them both there was no rush. My sister came to keep me company and we started to fill the birth pool. The fire was lighting, candles were burning, Andrea Bocelli was playing and the atmosphere was lovely and calm. My waters released just after 9 O’clock, minutes after my husband arrived home. I remember him removing the cuff links of his pristine white shirt and thinking he looked like he meant business!

Philo, who was bombing it down the motorway suggested we call an ambulance. I didn’t want to as I knew the baby was coming and I wasn’t prepared to leave home, but we did call. I climbed into my lovely warm peaceful birth pool and felt instant relief wash over me. I was submerged about a minute when Philomena advised I get out, as it was apparent that I was looking at an unassisted birth. 

I moved to the couch, on hands and knees and began to naturally sway my hips back and forth.  I knew Philo wouldn’t make it and I quelled a sense of panic with some deep breathing and told myself “you’ve got this”. Calm came over me and I instinctively knew my baby and my body knew what to do. 

The paramedic was on loud speaker with my husband who was preparing to catch his baby.  My sister was fantastic, wiping my face and encouraging me. After one big push I was able to reach down and feel the silky head of my baby.  It was incredible and almost immediately my daughter was born into her Daddy's arms at 9.27. She was tiny and so calm and absolutely perfect.

I sat on the couch with my little Evie, named after my Grandmother Genevieve, on my chest. The paramedics arrived and peered at baby but did not touch her.  They asked would I like to cut the cord and I said no.  Philomena arrived a minute later. She was immediately in control, helping with the placenta and then showered and dressed me.

All new born checks were done and P tucked us into bed. Alan and Evie slept right through, cuddled together and I just watched them, amazed by it all and in the morning big brother Calum climbed into our bed and a fantastic love affair with his little sister began. It was just so perfect.

The follow up care, support and advice were unbelievable.  Philomena could not have done more for us during her daily visits in the week after birth. She became a much loved, trusted friend, who changed my life and started me on the path I am on now, supporting other families in pregnancy and birth.

And She's Off ...

My little girl is starting school and I’m going to miss her tremendously.  She’s been my side kick pretty much 24/7 for the last five years.  Of course when I told her this, it was received with a raised eyebrow and a “eh, we will still live together ya know”! And yes, I do know. I know that things are going to change and I know I’m not so good with change.  While on one hand I know that she will absolutely thrive in school, reunited with some of her Montessori friends, I also know that she will find the days long. She’ll miss being able to kiss and cuddle me whenever she wants.  She’ll wish her brothers were with her to see her art work or swap Lego with.  And when I pick her up at the gates, I know this uniform clad girl will regale me with stories of her day and I know I’ll smile and say “wow, I wish I’d seen that”. 

Starting school means she’s not my baby girl anymore. I can no longer spend a large portion of the day protecting her, explaining things, kissing away tears, laughing at her jokes and making up songs with her.  Yes of course we’ll still do all of these things, but they’ll be shorter, squeezed in between homework and what-ever after school activity happens to be on.  When I think of how fast these school years are going to go by, I can’t help but feel really lucky to have had so much time at home with the children.  It’s been very hard at times, sometimes lonely and overwhelming but mainly it has been an honour.  It’s good for me that opening The Baby Room has coincided with her starting school.  In a way I can’t imagine spending my days at home without her there, chatting and looking for food incessantly!  So, it’s a new beginning for all of us. 

I know that holding her hand walking through the school gates, I’ll be reminded of reaching for my mother’s hand, when I walked through the same gates for the first time, so many years ago.  I have such happy memories of my time in Ballon National School and I know my daughter will too. She’ll make new friends and learn so much more about the world.  I’m excited for her and I take great comfort in knowing that the staff are really lovely and that she will not be short of people keeping an eye on her. 

Her big brother is excited to have her with him.  He’ll do a great job of keeping an eye out for her in the playground and making sure she knows the ropes.  If there’s one thing he does very well, leading the way is it!  I know it’s bordering on the ridiculous to be so emotional about her starting but she’s my best little buddy and I am going to miss her terribly.  I am however, going to try embrace the words of her favourite Disney movie and let it go!