My Children Are Driving Me Crazy

I met a friend for coffee the other morning and greeted her “How are you?” with an exasperated “My children are driving me crazy!”. It had been a busy morning, as usual and locating lost shoes, emptying unemptied lunch boxes, cleaning up cat poo and wrestling tangled hair meant I was frazzled. (Actually frazzled has become kind of a thing).

 Her response was “Don’t let anyone hear you say that. You’re supposed to be all Earth mother”. Am I, I thought? Because I write about my experiences of parenting? Because I teach classes? Because I’ve had home births and breastfed children past 2 years of age? Does that make me a particular type of mother? Does that mean I can’t have days where everything goes to pot and I make a complete mess out of parenting? Or that I can’t be stressed and completely lose my cool when I’m washing my teeth and turn around to see make up smeared all over the walls or the dog covered in Sudocreme (true story).

She didn’t mean anything by it. And I wasn’t offended but it got me thinking about perceptions and labels. I parent the way I parent because it works for me and my family. I teach the classes I teach because I have studied the psychology and philosophies behind them and they resonate with me. I am passionate about gentle parenting. I understand it works best for my kids. Do I get it right all the time? Unequivocally, no! Sometimes little arms are wrapped around me and I am told “You are the best Mom EVER”, other times doors are slammed in my face and “I hate you” is shouted at me (I’m not going to lie, that one hurts like hell.)

It’s really hard trying to find the balance between knowing the mother I want to be and being her. Every day brings challenges, sometimes I rise to them in a gracious way. Other days I am overwhelmed by responsibility and the kids bear the brunt. Sometimes I try my very best. Some days I am very far from my best and trying just seems like a step to far, so I do what I can. Every day is a new day and when I’m being crap and I’ve treated the kids badly by shouting or being unfair, then I own it, I apologise for it and we move on. I’m far from perfect. I make mistakes. And I’m certainly not trying to hold myself up as any kind of an example, other than within my own home. But I do hope that in being honest I let the Momma’s I work with know that we are in this together.

Earth mother, working mother, hippie momma, stay at home mother, crunchy mom. Routines, relaxed. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, co sleeping, spoon feeding, baby led weaning, home birth, C-section, natural conception, IV.F., adoption, single, married, gay, straight. The only label that’s important in any of it is, simply, Mother.