Car Hostage, AKA When Your Kids Fall Asleep In The Car

As I sat outside my house today, in my car, with the engine running, windows open, radio off, phone on silent, willing myself not to slurp my get me through the afternoon coffee, so as not to disturb the three sleeping beauties that are my children, it dawned on me that I have in fact mastered all of the incredible skills of a stealth ninja.  Actually I take that back.  Stealth ninja's are difficult to find so that can't be me because my children manage to find me no matter how well I think I've covered my tracks! (They are in fact, as committed to the cause as Daniel Day Lewis was in The Last of the Mohicans - no matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I WILL FIND YOU"
 https://www.youtube.com/watch )

OK, so I don't meet the first of Urban Dictionary's stealth ninja criteria but I sure do excel at the second two:
1. Extremely mysterious
Spelling out words, talking reallllllyyy sllllloooooowwwwlllllyyyyy and/or in Irish, hand gestures, passing notes, morse code, subliminal messages, alter egos, nervous ticks have all become part of covert daily communications.  At times I reckon I'd give 007 a good run for his money.
2. Lightening fast
If you want to see faster than the speed of light in action, then look no further than me on the couch, with a cup of tea, happily about to enjoy my delicious, waited for all day chocolate mothering reward, when I hear a little voice calling me.  It is quite the skill to make an entire, under threat piece of cake disappear in zero point five seconds let me assure you.

See, ninja! And here's another few awesome talents I have - I know where every creaking floor board in the house is.  I know, exactly, down to the tinniest millimeter how high I can lift the duvet to read on my phone without causing sleep disturbance to which ever trespasser is in my bed.  I know that I can get three children dressed in the time it takes the porridge to cook - that's 2 minutes per child, pretty darn impressive.  I know I can smuggle chocolate eclairs into my mouth by pretending they are either beetroot or broccoli.  I know how to negotiate peace treaties better than any UN Diplomat.  I know that silence amongst children is nearly always deadly (often resulting in an unfortunate incident with the long suffering dog) and finally I know that whenever someone says "it wasn't me" it always, always, ALWAYS was them.

I think a role in Skylander awaits!!!

Sitting afraid to move in said car also reminded me of that time I got stuck in the car wash and had to Google the petrol station number so I could ring them to get someone to rescue me (admittedly not very ninja like) but that's a story for another day!!!