Supporters of home birth in Ireland will be only too familiar with the debacle that the HSE created with the unlawful removal of Philomena Canning's indemnity insurance.. We were one of families directly affected by this removal. I was 29 weeks pregnant when I learned of the situation via Facebook. To say it took away from the joy of my pregnancy is an understatement and I don't say that lightly. Philomena had been my midwife in 2011 when I had my daughter Evie. I had engaged her services again in 2012 as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. Sadly that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage in the 13th week. It was Philomena I turned to for advice and support after leaving my local hospital without so much as a paracetamol, a sanitary towel or an information leaflet. Philomena talked me through the "mini labour" I would experience and advised my to have a bowl to hand so that I would be able to see the baby. This is something I am so grateful for. I was able to "birth" my baby at home, to hold him and love him and to say goodbye in a really personal and dignified way.
Soon after, I discovered I was pregnant again and again engaged Philo's services. Sadly 7 weeks into the pregnancy I started to experience pain and dizziness and required emergency surgery after it was discovered that the pregnancy was ectopic and that I was experiencing internal bleeding. I lost my baby and my right fallopian tube. Those few months were the most horrendous of my life and there were dark days when I truly thought I would never smile again. And then in March after over a year of ovulation kits, negative pregnancy tests and sinking spirits we finally got our two blue lines and my journey towards healing my heart began.
Philomena was naturally an integral part of that journey. Her quiet confidence and calm reassurance helped me when I was sometimes so scared that I could barely breathe. To have that taken away from me with ten weeks to go in my pregnancy was devastating. It was heartbreaking to lose Philomenas care but also to see such a truly wonderful woman treated in such a disgusting way. Luckily for me the DMO for my area is a huge champion of home birth and truly couldn't believe the situation. She immediately organised to have my care transferred to Brenda O'Toole, whom I rang in a fit of tears asking her to take me on but at the same time not to take me on depending on whether or not the situation with Philomena were to be resolved. Brenda was so kind and sympathetic and we agreed to see how things panned out. After our rainy protest outside the Dail when I was 34 weeks pregnant, Philomena gave me a hug and told me she wouldn't be my midwife. I went home that day feeling deflated but I knew I needed to draw a line under it, shake myself off and focus all my energies on the positives.
The biggest being that I was still in a position to have my baby at home. Brenda was going to enable me to do that and she did. She fitted in seamlessly, being very unassuming, getting to know myself and my children, organising for our second midwife Nuria to call and meet me prior to birth and soon the horribleness of the HSE was exactly where it should be far from my mind. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were hectic. Both of my children were born in the 37th week and so I had it in my mind that this baby would be much the same but as the time approached I felt run off my feet. We had a family wedding, I got a chest infection and then my aunt died. I was having a lot of braxton hicks and a couple of times felt things were really starting but then all would go quiet again and I felt that I was simply too busy and overwhelmed for a baby to be born and I trusted my baby and my body to know what to do. Every night I went to bed making sure the living room was tidy. The pool was inflated, the burco was plugged in, the hall press was full of all the things I'd need, my playlist was ready,my mood board was hanging up, positive affirmations were scattered around the house.
At 39+2 I went to bed with some back ache. I listened to my positive affirmations and I felt my baby squirming. He was really active,much more than he had been for days and I took that as a sign that we wouldn't be meeting for a while yet but a little while later a real sense of calm came over me and the words 'I'll be there soon Mommy' rang in my ears. I fell asleep with a huge smile, hugging my precious bump. I woke at 3am with that nagging periody ache. I couldn't settle back to sleep and by half 3 I thought I better pay attention to surges. I got up, made tea and a hot water bottle and pottered about for a few minutes. Surges came every 15 minutes and at 4.30 I decided to text Brenda. I was feeling nauseous.. I went to wake Alan, my husband and told him that I thought the baby was going to be born that day. He groggily said he wouldn't go to work, to which I replied never mind go to work, you need to get up now. I think it was only at that point that I knew the baby wasn't far away. We both went back downstairs. I rang Brenda and she said she was on the way. I lit my candles and oils and started to get in my comfort zone while Alan started to fill the pool. My daughter had been born in such a hurry that I hadn't gotten to use it last time and really wanted this baby to be born in water. When Brenda arrived at 5.30 I was using the ball to stretch out and listening to my relaxation tracks. Surges had gone pretty much straight to five mins. Brenda had a listen into babs and all was perfect. The next hour passed quickly, I was using the ball to rest my elbows on while circling my hips, or leaning against the wall during surges and really rocking my hips deeply from side to side, trying to stay loose and limp. Brenda was doing some really light massage on my back which really helped to focus me. I tried to use my tens machine but couldn't adjust it properly and was getting flustered. By that stage Nuria had arrived and both herself and Brenda just stayed in the shadows. By about 6.45 I was feeling a lot of pressure and was in and out to the toilet. The last trip to the toilet I asked Alan to come with me and while there I had a really big surge and felt a bit out of control. I was pacing and I remembered the feeling of being a lioness from the birth of my daughter. It’s that raw power of your body taking over and you just have to go with it. I went back to my den and quickly had another big surge. I said to Brenda that I felt I should get into the pool. I wanted to sit back and birth baby and catch him myself but two attempts at sitting down were too uncomfortable and so I stayed on my hands and knees,letting the water ease me. I must admit that I didn't feel particularly calm but then Nuria listened to the baby and took my pulse and she said 'wow you are both so calm, it's obvious you are athletic because your pulse is barely raised'. That made me feel like a total champion. In my head I thought 'yeah damn right I'm an athlete'!!!.
Alan was holding my hands and I could feel our baby descending and reached around to feel his head emerge. One more surge brought the rest of his body and I felt my waters release. Brenda passed our beautiful baby boy to me and I held him there in the water and my heart swelled with love and pride for the wonder that is birth.
It was 7.17. Alan brought our other children in to meet their baby brother and it was just so lovely to be all together. They had come in at 7 to say good morning and were watching cartoons and eating breakfast in the play room and then a few minutes later were greeting their brother. It was magical and for me just felt full circle.
I moved from the pool to the couch and delivered the placenta quite quickly thereafter. We named our little boy Ruairí and I placed him on my tummy and watched mesmerised as he crawled to my breast and started to feed. Later after lots of naked cuddles he was weighed and measured. He was 7lbs 6 ounces and 53cms. Nuria had asked me when he was born if she could take some pictures and I'm so glad because Alan had said he would but these things quickly get forgotten when there's a tiny, handsome newborn to stare at! She got some great pics and then we took some more with herself and Brenda before she left. Alan started to clear up, Brenda was doing her notes etc and I was laying on the couch wrapped in blankets holding my new love.
At about 11 Alan sat down with me and said 'this is exactly how it should be, look at us, at home, fire lightening, everything is cleared away, all our children are together, it's great'. And he was so right. It was exactly how it should be and so much more. It was magical.
Brenda was incredible. Her care was beyond fantastic, bringing me scones and homeopathic remedies when feeding was a struggle, suggesting books and articles I might find useful, constantly encouraging me. Nuria has also been great. As a lactation consultant she has been at the end of the phone for me with great advice while we wait for a tongue tie assessment. These two women enabled me to have the birth I desired and I'm so incredibly thankful for them and the work they do.
Philomena, although not physically present was with me in my heart, where there will always be a place for her. Sometimes I look at my little son and can't believe he's actually here and sometimes it's like I've always known him, with his little dimpled chin and calm way. He's like a missing jigsaw piece. I am totally and utterly head over heels and I feel complete.
I am once again honored to call myself mother to these three wonderful earth children and my two butterfly babies and I'm thankful to the HBA, AIMS, Gentle Birth and the three strong, passionate, loving midwives Philomena, Brenda & Nuria that I've been lucky enough to encounter for helping to empower and inspire me to have the births I wanted and to give myself and my babies the best possible start to their precious lives.
Thanks women, ye are terrific. Keep on keepin’ on!
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